To wed, or not to wed――that is the question―― Whether ’tis wiser in a man to banish The tempting visions of domestic comfort, Or to lead some damsel of our times to the altar, And, by marriage, end them? To wed, to doubt No more, and by that act to say we end The heart-ache, and the thousand well-planned tricks Of enterprising mothers! ’tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To wed――to enrich The tradesmen, and to feed bad servants! To wed, perchance, a spend thrift! ay, there’s the rub; For to what sort of wife we may be mated When we have shuffled off our bachelorhood, Must give us pause.――――There’s the respect That makes celibacy of so much practice; For who would bear the impatient thirst for bliss, The yearnings for some gentle confidant The amatory frenzies of one’s loneliness, The loss of buttons, and of large joints of meat, When he himself, might his quietus make With a bare Wedding ring? Who would lodgings bear, To groan and sweat under extortionate landladies, But that the dread of helpless and expensive wives―― Those prodigies of modern training――puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have, Than hazard being thus ta’en in and done for. Thus women do make cowards of us all: And thus the hopeful heart of many a bachelor, Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprisers of good will and spirit, With this regard from marriage turn away, And lose the name of Husband. _Echoes from the Clubs_, April 8, 1868. ―――――――― THE WEEKLY DISPATCH PARODY COMPETITIONS. On September 26, 1880, the following Prize Parody appeared in the _Weekly Dispatch_:――