Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. III
General
Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. III
Parodies
[A very fulsome address was presented to Napoleon III. by a
deputation of bankers and merchants of the City of London.
The matter was brought before Parliament, but was allowed to
drop through.]
The Merchant Prince of England,
What a glorious name he bears!
No minstrel tongue has ever sung
The deeds the hero dares.
Enlist that soldier in your cause,
No dangers bar his way,
But gallantly he draws his――cheque,
If the Cause will only pay.
Where Freedom waves her banners
He stands her champion bold,
The noble English merchant Prince
For her unlocks his gold.
For her the Prince’s glowing pulse
With generous ardour thrills,
If only sure that Freedom
Will duly meet her bills.
When scarce the gory bayonet
Upholds the Despot’s throne,
The Merchant Prince, all chivalry,
Springs forward with a loan.
And vain a nation’s cry to scare
That dauntless friend-in-need,
Provided only that the loan
Is safely guaranteed.
See, where a sovereign’s crown rewards
A venturous Parvenu,
Crouches the Merchant Prince to kiss
His royal brother’s shoe.
For trampled law, for broken vow,
No doit his Princeship cares,
If that salute can raise an eighth
His gain on railway shares,
You Christian of the slop-shop,
And you usurious Jew,
Assert your royal blood, for both
Are Merchant-Princes, too.
One common creed unites you,
Devout professors of it,
“There’s but one Allah――Mammon,
And Cent. per Cent.’s his profit.”
What, blame some petty huckster,
That his vote is bought and sold:
What, chide some wretched juryman
That he blinked at guilt, for gold:
What, whip some crouching mendicant,
Who fawned that he might eat――
With the Merchant Prince of England
At the Third Napoleon’s feet?
SHIRLEY BROOKS, 1853
――――
THE CABS OF LONDON.
The dirty Cabs of London!
How lazily they stand
About the public thoroughfares,
Or crawl along the Strand;
The omnibuses pass them by
With a contempt supreme;
E’en the coal-cart overtakes them
With slow and heavy team.
The crazy Cabs of London!
How wretched is the sight
Of one of those old vehicles
That ply for hire by night!
There, cracked is every window-pane,
The door is weak and old;
The former lets in all the rain,
The latter all the cold.
The shaky Cabs of London!
How impotent the powers
Of one poor nervous female fare,
When fierce the driver lowers,
Swearing, with impudence sublime
And ruffianly frown,
He can’t afford to lose his time;
“His fare will be a crown.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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