Oh, may the homes of England Long, long in freedom rise, But may the homes of England Be built by men more wise; Let air and light be one chief aim, Sufficient warmth another; And let them bear in mind as well, Our great want is _not_――smother. _The Figaro_, August 24, 1872. ―――― BALLAD――BY VISCOUNT BLANK. The stately homes of England, Conveniently they stand; For helping co-respondent’s games, ’Twould seem they had been planned. Their lords preserve their game with care, But cannot keep their wives; They hunt, they shoot, they fish, they ride And Hannen’s business thrives! The blessed homes of England, How snugly in their bowers, Their owners soak on liquor fetched Ere interdicted hours, Solemn, yet sweet, the church bells chime, But piggishly they snore. For well they know whilst those bells clang Close shuts the public’s door. The cottage homes of England, By thousands on her plains, Are wretched hovels as a rule, And quite devoid of drains. There’s sodden thatch upon their roofs, And mildew on their walls, And yet they’re what the poetess, “Sweet smiling dwellings” calls. The free fair homes of England! Well, these do not exist; And if you doubt me just read through What’s on a jury list. Think of the things you’re forced to do, And all you dare not try; The free, fair homes, in sooth! Go to Free fiddlesticks, say I! _Truth_, Christmas Number, 1877. ―――― COTTAGE HOMES. “The Cottage-homes of England, How beautiful they stand!” (So once Felicia Hemans sang), Throughout the lovely land! By many a shining river-side These happy homes are seen, And clustering round the commons wide, And ’neath the woodlands green. The Cottage-homes of England―― Alas, how strong they smell! There’s fever in the cesspool, And sewage in the well. With ruddy cheeks and flaxen curls, Though their tots shout and play, The health of those gay boys and girls Too soon will pass away. The Cottage-homes of England! Where each crammed sleeping-place Foul air distils whose poison kills Health, modesty and grace. Who stables horse, or houseth kine, As these poor peasants lie, More thickly in their straw than swine Are herded in a stye? * * * * * (_Three verses omitted._) _Punch_, May 23, 1874. ―――― THE HAUNTED HOMES OF ENGLAND. [Mr. Ingram had published a weirdly fascinating volume called “The Haunted Homes of England;” a kind of Postal Directory, or Court Guide, to British Haunted Houses.]