“Is it where, through the small though festive rooms A drainpipe sheds its rich perfumes―― O’er the strange old birds with skinny wings, Which the languid waiter to table brings, With tottering steps that betoken, alas! The chronic effects of sewer gas?” “Not there, not there, my child.” Is it far away in some region cold Where the visitor’s welcome; if he have gold That he’s willing to spend on most villainous wine At the regally privileged “Bleed him fine?” here the whole concern abounds in “sells”―― Is it there, sweet mother, this best of hotels? “Not there, not there, my child.” Full many a city, my gentle boy Hath hostels in plenty where thou may’st enjoy Good viands well cooked, rooms sweet and large, Decent wines, and good waiting, at moderate charge; But, unless to thy soul disappointment is dear, Seek them not in the town by the mouth of the Wear; “Not there, not there, my child!” ―――― THE “THREE ACRES AND A COW” LEGEND. The familiar joke, that every labourer was promised three acres and a cow, arose, as myths usually arise, out of an inversion of actual facts. Nobody ever seriously believed that such promises were made, and everybody knows that the substratum of truth on which the misrepresentation rested was that some machinery must be set up to promote the restoration of the people to the soil. There was, however, no desire to injure the landowners. Mr. Chamberlain speaking at the Westminster Palace Hotel, in January, 1886, observed that:―― “The Tories have universally asserted that we promised to every labourer, as a free gift, three acres of land and a cow. (Laughter.) Well, I don’t think the labourers are fools. They have not shown it at the last election; and I don’t suppose many of them have been deceived by this falsehood. I sometimes think we were a little too eager to contradict it. (Laughter.) At all events, if we see it necessary to repudiate this burlesque of our intentions and our promises, let us take care to do nothing to discourage the expectation, perfectly praiseworthy and reasonable in itself, that facilities should be made by legislation for every thrifty, industrious labourer to obtain at a fair price an adequate, independent, and secure interest in the soil which he cultivates.” _The Globe_, (London), in an article on _The Three Acres Legend_, observed:――