What sights of fine folks he oft rowed in his wherry; ’Twas clean’d out so nice, and so painted withal; He was always first oars when the fine city ladies In a party to Ranelagh went, or Vauxhall; And oftentimes would they be gigling and leering; But ’twas all one to Tom their gibing and jeering; For loving or liking he little did care, For this waterman ne’er was in want of a fare. And yet, but to see how strange things happen, As he row’d along, thinking of nothing at all, He was ply’d by a damsel so lovely and charming, That she smil’d, and so straight-way in love he did fall. And would this young damsel but banish his sorrow He’d wed her to-night――before to-morrow, And how should this waterman ever know care When he’s married, and never in want of a fare. CHARLES DIBDIN. ―――― THE JOLLY YOUNG BARRISTER. And did you not hear of a jolly young Barrister, At the Old Bailey who used for to ply? He made out his case with such skill and dexterity, Twisting each fact, while he glozed o’er each lie. He stuck at nothing; and that so steadily, The felons all sought his aid so readily, And he saved from conviction so many a thief, That this barrister ne’er was in want of a brief. What sights of fine rogues he got off by his blarney; His tongue was so glib, and so specious withal: He was always retained by the great City forgers To Newgate from Mansion House sent, or Guildhall. And often the Press would be gibing and jeering, But ’twas all one to him, its carping and sneering; He’d swear black was white on behalf of a thief, So this barrister ne’er was in want of a brief. And yet, only think what strange morals have lawyers The Bar of such conduct think nothing at all; Whilst should any poor counsel report for a paper, “To Coventry with him!” that instant they call; From their mess they’ll expel him, he’ll find, to his sorrow; But they’ll dine with the housebreaker’s hireling to-morrow. Then hurrah!――though his client be swindler or thief,―― For the barrister never in want of a brief. _Punch._ 1845. ―――― The late Albert Smith wrote a piece entitled “Novelty Fair, or hints for 1851,” which was produced at the Lyceum Theatre, on May 21, 1850. In this, Father Thames enters with a goblet of dirty water in his hand, and exclaims:―― “Oh, did you e’er hear of such jolly bad water, man, As at Blackfriars Bridge comes out of I? No wonder they talk of my stream with severity, Sickening each nose, and disgusting each eye!” ―――― THE JOLLY OLD WATERMAN.