And now we ply the oar, And stretching from the shore, Our Thompson clove the spray; His ship the Sarah named, Long Sarah had been famed For squabbles night and day; But dearly was our victory bought, Our hero’s nose a stinger caught, For Sarah, home, and duty; He cried, as to his foe he ran, “We owe a grudge to that ’ere man, This day we’ll spoil his beauty.” But, oh! the dreadful wound, Which sent the “claret” round, The hero’s nose received. Then, sinking on his side, “Our boat’s going o’er,” he cried; “But long enough I’ve lived, I’ve black’d his other eye at last, Have had revenge for insults pass’d On Sarah, home, and duty!” Thus ends the row as it began―― Portsmouth confess’d that each brave man Had spoilt the other’s beauty! _Diogenes._ July, 1853. ―――― THE GREAT UNEMPLOYED. (_A Song for Scotland Yard._ Air――“_The Death of Nelson._”) ’Twas in Trafalgar Square We heard Sedition blare; Each heart was sickened then. We’d scorned the foreign Reds Who cracked each other’s heads, But here were madder men. Henderson marked them howl and rave, But little heed that hero gave. Let Roughdom smash and loot, he Stirred not, appeared not, formed no plan. And London owned at least one man That day that shirked his duty. And now the rabble roar, And plunder as they pour; No Bobbies stop the way. London, for order famed, Is startled, shocked, and shamed By this disgraceful day! Right dearly is experience bought, The maddened Mob surged, smashed, and fought, Unchecked, for drink and booty. From mouth to mouth the murmur ran, “London has found a trusted man This day has shirked his duty.” Pride feels a painful wound, Dismay is spread around; Our trust has been deceived. But shirkers must be tried, If need be, thrust aside, Our credit be retrieved. Policedom’s honour is at stake, Policedom from its drowse must wake, It guards home, wealth, age, beauty, From Chief to youngest guardian, London _must_ know that every man Is equal to his duty! _Punch._ February, 1886. ―――― _Innes’s London Comic Songster_――(London: Simpkin & Marshall, N. D.)――contained a coarse parody, entitled:―― PADDY’S GRAVE.