To Smith and to Ricardo I’ve a withering reply; Malthusians I always do my best to mortify; Political economy I skilfully dissect, And crevices within its mail I’m ready to detect. I know everybody’s income and what everybody earns, And I prove that honest labour doesn’t win its due returns; But to benefit humanity, however much I plan, Yet Property will have it I’m a disagreeable man! And I can’t think why! I’m sure I am no Marat, I’m as gentle as can be; The guillotine in Leicester Square I should regret to see. I merely want the populace to grab all “real estate,” Without regard to owners’ cry of “Please to compensate.” To those same owners’ prejudice, I know a thing or two; I can show them to be curses of the nation――and I do. But though I try to make myself as pleasant as I can, Yet Property asserts that I’m a disagreeable man―― And I can’t think why! _Funny Folks._ ―――― THOSE CLEVER CONSERVATIVES. “Mr. J. W. Harris won Poole for the Conservatives by declaring to the working classes that the Liberals had brought the bad trade, and the Tories would revive the industry of the place, and make everybody rich.” If green Cheddar you desire From the moon――from the moon―― They’ll supply what you require Very soon――very soon. Then they hope to fill lean purses, Lacking pence――lacking pence―― With the coin Weg-born reverses Steal from thence――steal from thence. And as harvests shirk a nation ’Neath Sol’s ban――’neath Sol’s ban, To aid farmers by taxation They’ve a plan――they’ve a plan. They’ve a firmly-rooted notion They can bridge Depression’s ocean, And they’ll set all trades in motion, If they can――if they can! These are the phenomena That Poole expects to come in a Crack or a jiffee Now that Harris is M.P. As for failure, they forswear it, So they say――so they say, And prosperity they’ll “square” it, Some fine day――some fine day. When the voter they would “sell” him―― Not too “fly”――not too “fly”―― “The Millennium’s,” they tell him “By-and-bye――by-and-bye!” So each newly-joined aspirant To their clan――to their clan―― Must pooh-pooh Hard Times, a tyrant Known to man――known to man. They mock at him and flout him, And they chaff the Rads about him, For they’re “going to do without him” If they can――if they can! These are the phenomena, &c. From _Funny Folks_. May 3, 1884. Another parody, of the same original, appeared in _Pastime_, February 13, 1884, relating to the London Athletic Club. ――――