E. B. V. _Pall Mall Gazette._ February 12, 1887. ――――:o:―――― THE PLAYWRIGHT’S LAMENT. _With Chorus of Professional Supers from_ “Ready Goer.” (_Note._――The long lines are by the Playwright; the short lines are by the Chorus of Supers.) Oh, why am I gloomy and sad? Can’t guess. And why am I wicked and bad? Confess. Because I am _thoroughly_ MAD! Oh, yes. You may tell by the rage in my face. Do you know that I’ve written a play? Don’t say! And it was produced yesterday? Hurrah! Do the papers a single word say? Not they! Now I think that’s a very hard case. ’F I were Gilbert or Sully-vi-_an_―― Oh, ho! Bronson Howard, the Ah-merry-khan―― Ah, no! H. A. Jones, or his partner Her_mann_―― Just so! George R. Sims or Henry Pet-_tett_. If I were the author of “Jan”―― Who’s he! Or a thoroughly noted young man―― Dear me! Or Verdi at distant Mil-_an_―― I see! I’d get half a column, you bet! But being at present unknown―― Oh, dear! No preference for me is shown―― No fear! So I have to play it alone―― Hear! Hear!! But I’ll even up with them yet. LUKE SHARP. _The Detroit Free Press._ March 19, 1887. ――――:o:―――― COERCION COMING. _Duet_――Lord Londonderry (_Despard_) and Sir M. Hicks-Beach (_Mad Margaret_). _Lond._ I once was a very abandoned person―― _Beach._ Spoiling the hard-up landlords’ chances; _Lond._ Such people couldn’t conceive a worse ’un―― _Beach._ Or one more subject to sickly fancies. _Lond._ I blush for my mild extravagances; But be so kind To bear in mind _Beach._ We were the victims of circumstances! [_Dance_ This is one of our contrite dances. _Beach._ I was as soft as a sweet young lady―― _Lond._ Troubled by Nationalistic vapours. _Beach._ The squires declared that my ways were shady―― _Lond._ They hinted at penitential tapers. _Beach._ The Plan of “Pressure” amused the gapers. My ways were strange Beyond all range―― _Lond._ And grumbles got into Tory papers! [_Dance._ Here goes to cut coercionist capers. _Lond._ I’m sorry now for each weak proceeding――” _Beach._ My taste for a merciful method’s waning.