Jemmy, lo! to sudden fate, (Pass the wine――the liquor’s good) Half of thy year we consecrate: The web is now what was the _wood_, But mark the scene beneath the senate’s height See the petition’s crowded skirts unroll; Visions of glory spare my aching sight, Unborn commencements crowd not on my soul, No more our Kaye,[62] our Thackeray[62], we bewail; All hail! thou genuine Prince,[63] Britannia’s issue, hail! VIII. Heads of houses, Doctors bold, Sublime their hoods and wigs they rear; Masters young, and Fellows old, In bombazeen and silk appear. In the midst a form divine, His eye proclaims him of the British line What cheers of triumph thunder thro’ the air. While the full tide of youthful thanks is pour’d. Hear from your chambers Price[64] and Hibbert,[64] hear; Th’ oppressor shrinks, the Union is restor’d. The treasurer flies to spread the news he brings, And wears, for triumph’s sake, yet larger chitterlings. IX. Fond, impious man, think’st thou thy puny fist, Thy “_Wood_-en sword” has broke a British club? The Treasurer soon augments our growing list, We rise more numerous from this transient rub, Enough for me: with joy I see, The different doom our fates assign; Be thine contempt and big-wigged care, To triumph and to die are mine.” He spoke, and headlong from the window’s height Deep in a dung-cart near, he plung’d to endless night. “This Society is now happily restored, and is supported by men of every standing. The Debates, however, are restricted to events previous to 1800: and no new subject is allowed to be introduced after 10 o’clock.” So says the “_Gradus ad Cantabrigiam_, or New University Guide to the Academical Customs, and Colloquial or Cant terms peculiar to the University of Cambridge,” written by a Brace of Cantabs, and published by John Hearne, London, 1824. The parody is taken from that amusing volume, it may also be found in _Facetiæ Cantabrigiensis_ (London: Charles Mason, 1836), an anonymous collection of anecdotes and smart sayings written by, or relating to, celebrated Cantabs. ―――― THE BARBER.