The bath the next essential was, To clarify their skins―― Let’s hope it cleansed their conscience too, And washed away their sins. For if not so, why one would think Such folks as these could never, By any other process be Made “_beautiful for ever_.” Behind the bath a snuggery lay, Though doors were hung _a plomb_; And TRALLALA went in to play The part of peeping TOM. And now it is conjectured by Each erudite surmiser, He went, he saw, he came away Considerably wiser. From _The Hornet_. Sept. 9, 1868. Tom Jones, Viscount Ranelagh, Colonel of the South Middlesex Volunteer Rifles, was called as a witness in an action brought by Mrs. Borrowdale against Madame Rachel of Bond Street, who professed to make ladies “_Beautiful forever_.” Rachel was convicted for obtaining money under false pretences, and died in Brixton Gaol. ―――― THE RAILWAY GILPIN. JOHN GILPIN is a citizen; For lineage of renown, The famed JOHN GILPIN’S grandson, he Abides in London town. To our JOHN GILPIN said his dear, “Stewed up here as we’ve been Since Whitsuntide, ’tis time that we Should have a change of scene. “To-morrow is a leisure day, And we’ll by rail repair Unto the Nell at Dedmanton, And take a breath of air. “My sister takes our eldest child; The youngest of our three Will go in arms, and so the ride Won’t so expensive be.” JOHN soon replied, “I don’t admire That railway, I, for one; But you know best, my dearest dear, And so it must be done. “I, as a linen draper bold, Will bear myself, and though ’Tis Friday by the calendar Will risk my limbs, and go.” Quoth MISTRESS GILPIN, “nicely said And then, besides, look here, We’ll go by the Excursion Train, Which makes it still less dear,” JOHN GILPIN poked his clever wife, And slightly smiled to find That though on peril she was bent, She had a careful mind. The morning came; a cab was sought: The proper time allow’d To reach the station door; but lo! Before it stood a crowd. For half an hour they there were stay’d, And when they did get in―― “No train! a hoax!” cried clerks agog To swear through thick and thin. “Yaa!” went the throats; stamp went the heels; Were never folks so mad, The disappointment dire beneath: All cried “it was too bad.” JOHN GILPIN home would fain have hied, But he must needs remain, Commanded by his wilful bride, And take the usual train. ’Twas long before our passengers Another train could find, When――stop! one ticket for the fares Was lost or left behind! “Good lack,” quoth JOHN, “yet try it on.” “’Twon’t do,” the guard replies, And bearing wife and babes on board, The train without him flies. Now see him in a second train, Behind the iron steed, Borne on, slap-dash for life or bones With small concern or heed.