“My dame she hath an angry tongue, And if that we should not Be back at five, I fear that we Should catch it rather hot. “Besides, when out upon the waves, The _mal du mer_ I fear.” “Lord bless you,” quoth the mariner, “We ain’t caught one this year! “And you’ll be back by half-past four, In lots of time for tea.” “You promised, Pa, we’d have a sail,” Said the children, plaintively. Appeal’d to thus, in sore perplex, The father gave consent; And, oh! he thought how sick he’d be, As to the boat he went. The sun was high, the wind was low, And as the party sail, These words rang in the father’s ears, “At five, mind, without fail!” And now they’re launch’d upon the deep, The yacht, like any witch, Skimm’d o’er the foam at first, and then She up and down did pitch. She pitchèd up, she pitchèd down, All comfort ’gan to leave That father, and though afternoon, For him ’twas time of heave! With cheery voice the mariner Kept pointing out the view; The father heeded not his words, For Ocean claimed his due. He heard his children playing round, Devoid of qualms and fear; He heard his boy, in mocking tones, Say, “Ain’t Pa jolly queer!” He had not strength to punch his head, Nor eke to box his ear; The words were true, and he did feel Particularly queer. And worst of all, the while he paid His tribute to the sea, A voice kept ringing in his ear: “You won’t be home to tea!” “Turn, mariner, I pray you, turn!” He cried in accents weak; The sailor heard, but only turn’d The quid within his cheek. His cruel offsprings then began To laugh at their papa; Quoth they, “It’s five and after――won’t You catch it, Pa, from Ma!” “Turn, mariner, I pray you, turn! Our course let homeward be; Your guerdon shall be doubled if We are in time for tea!” The mariner he smiled a smile―― Nay, more, he grinned a grin―― He said (he was a vulgar man), “Fork over, then, the tin!” The wretched father heaved a sigh, The cash he handed o’er; Again he turned him o’er the side,―― The boatman turned to shore. They reach the land, the clocks struck six―― What vision does he see? It was the wife awaiting him Who came too late for tea. What happened when they reached their home No one was there to see; Certain it is that from that hour He ne’er was late for tea! ANONYMOUS. ―――― CLASSICAL VERSUS MODERN. It was an ancient pedagogue[80] And he stopped me (one of three)―― ‘To Classic or to Modern side Go’st thou?’ said he to me. By thy long Problems and Theorems Now wherefore plagu’st thou me? Hold off! unhand me, ancient one! I’ve seen enough of thee!