’Twas in the busiest street of Leeds―― I’ve suffered for my act―― But he still lies there ’mongst the weeds, Because the attention of the Sanitary Committee has not yet been called to the fact. JAMES BAILEY. _The Yorkshire Weekly Post._ December 24, 1886. ―――― In 1884 there was a parody competition in the columns of _Truth_ on portions of _The Ancient Mariner_, the topic selected by the Puzzle Editor being the filthy state of the River Thames. Nine of these parodies were printed in _Truth_, September 11 and 18, 1884; being somewhat monotonous, it will be sufficient to quote one only:―― THE RIVER THAMES. It is an aged lighterman, And he quick accosteth me. “By thy thirsty mouth and bleary eye, Why makest thou so free? “The street front door stands open wide, And I have bought the gin; My guests all wait my coming, mate, So I must hasten in.” He takes me by the button-hole, “There was a stream,” quoth he. “Be off, you maudlin fool!” I cried. “Just list a while,” said he. “This stream so near was always clear, And hardly ’een a drop Of ‘Father Thames’ was foul afore Them barges plied atop. “Night after night, day after day, They drift with noiseless motion, As deadly as a tainted ship Upon a tainted ocean. “Water, water everywhere; But offal foul can stink The sweetest water anywhere, And poison it for drink. “For though there come both cats and dogs, And corpses young and old, The filth breast-high that’s floating by Is from some barge’s hold.” “God bless me! honest waterman, You’ve told me quite enough. Why look’st thou so?” “From my barge know _I_ shot the putrid stuff!” The aged man, who seemed half tight, And proved a shocking bore, Is gone; and I, the City clerk, Turn towards my lodging’s door. And on the way I make this vow, With good “Old Tom” or “Lorne” I’ll never more Thames water mix, As sure as I was born. CRYSTAL PALACE. __Truth._ September 11, 1884. Another, and a very long parody dealing with the same topic, and in a very similar manner, appeared in _Truth_, July 30, 1885. YE ANCIENT FATHER THAMES. It is the ancient Father Thames, And he stoppeth one of two. “By thy weedy beard, and fevered eye, What’s this thou dar’st to do?” * * * * * ―――― THE LAY OF THE MODERN MILLINERE. It is a mild Man-Millinere, And he stoppeth one of three; “By thy tumbled tie and tearful eye, Now wherefore stopp’st thou me? “St. Stephen’s doors are opened wide, I’m a newly-fledged M.P., The House is met, so kindly let Me take my seat,” saith he.