Then spake Coercion Forster, “O Gladstone, you’re a goose! For everything upon this earth One, some day, finds a use. Let’s send Parnell against him, With his Home Rule array! I think he’ll be the very man To obstruct King Mensa’s way!” “Good Forster!” answered Gladstone, “What thou sayest is very well.” So forth against King Mensa They sent the great Parnell; For England in her battles Grudged not a Home Rule life, To give the English Parliament, And Ireland, rest from strife. * * * * * I wis in all Ashanteeland There was no heart so bold, But sore it ached, and fast it beat, When that ill news was told. Down from his throne fell Mensa, Down fell his council all, Headlong they rolled upon the floor, And loudly ’gan to squall. They held a council, rolling Upon the mud-hut floor; No hope there was, you well may guess, Of victory in such war. Alas! they had no Speaker To face such dire attack. King Mensa cried, “We’re diddled!” And his council cried, “Alack!” So they sued for peace right humbly, And said they’d been in fun, And sent five more umbrellas To be kept at Kensington! _Judy._ March 16, 1881. ―――― HOW HORATIUS KEPT THE BRIDGE. Such is the title of a burlesque account of the events described in Macaulay’s poem, which appeared in “The Blue” a small magazine conducted by the scholars of Christ’s Hospital, (the Blue-coat school) London. It was afterwards reprinted in _Gleanings from “The Blue,”_ S. Austin and Sons, Hertford. 1881. The burlesque is in prose, but a few parody verses are given in it to illustrate the narrative: “When the face of Sextus Was seen among the foes, No blackguard in the city But raised his Roman nose: No lady on the housetops But snarl’d at him and spat, No child but shriek’d out curses―― (Immoral little brat!)” * * * * * “Then out spake Spurius Lartius, A noble swell was he: ‘Lo, I will stand at thy right hand, And take a chop with thee!’ And out spake strong Herminius, Heaver of coals was _he_: ‘I too will stay; and make them pay The wonted half pennie!’” * * * * * _Horatius thus addresses the river_:―― “Oh, Tiber, mister Tiber―― If thus I may address you―― If to yon shore you’ll bear me o’er, All I can say is――Bless you!” * * * * * When boys and girls are romping, And the elders drain the flagon, While the children burn their fingers At glorious snap-dragon; Around the Christmas fire Still is the story told―― How well Horatius kept the bridge, In the brave days of old. ―――― A LAY OF MODERN HAMMERSMITH.