Haply some wooden-headed clown may say: “I’ve often seed him, when the ale-house closed, Wandering along the all-too narrow way, His eyes a quiver, like to one who dozed; “There, at the foot of yonder painted sign, That looks more like a pig than like a cow, He’d drink his beer――it would’nt run to wine―― And smoke his pipe, all reckless――anyhow. “Or down the street, to put his watch in pawn, Feeling for vanish’d coppers, he would rove, His old hat on, his bristly chin unshorn. He liked his beer, but warn’t a drunken cove. “One night I miss’d him at the accustom’d pub; Unoccupied remain’d his favourite seat. Another came. Where was he?――sore the rub; In losing him, we lost a look’d-for treat. “The next, with solemn march, in blue array (A crowd behind with strong tumultuous din,) Two bobbies came. They’d found him on the way, With beer o’ercome, and so they ran him in!” THE EPITAPH. Here rests, with his old head upon a stone, A man who smoked till he did reason drown. To-morrow morn the mayor, all fully blown, Will frown on him, and fine him half-a-crown. H. L. From _Cope’s Tobacco Plant_. September, 1874. ―――― HAMLET’S SOLILOQUY ON TOBACCO. To smoke or not to smoke, that is the question: Whether a mild cigar assists digestion; Or, whether it begets a kind of quaintness, Which some would say was nothing but a faintness; To smoke――to drink and then to go to bed; To find a pillow for an aching head; To snore――perchance to dream! and half your senses scare With visionary demons or nightmare; To wake, in perspiration nicely dished, ’Tis a consummation hardly to be wished; For who would bear the kicks, cuffs, and abuse Of this base world, when he might cook his goose Upon his toasting fork? Or who would care For half the motley groups which at him stare, Some morning early, stuck before the bench, When soda-water would his fever quench, But that a little thing within doth call? Thus porter doth make rumuns of us all! And thus our resolution to keep sober Is drown’d and soon forgot in good October. But hush! my Phelia comes, the pretty dear! Oh! think of me love――when you fetch your beer. ANONYMOUS. ―――― TO SMOKE, OR NOT TO SMOKE.