Patience Sparhawk and Her Times: A NovelAtherton, Gertrude Franklin Horn
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Patience Sparhawk and Her Times: A Novel
Atherton, Gertrude Franklin Horn
American fiction -- 19th century
She sat on the edge of her bed until midnight. In the past two months,
despite her faith in Bourke, she had deliberately allowed her mind to
dwell upon the execution until fear had worn blunt. She was conscious of
none to-night. Moreover, she had the poise of one that has lived close
to the great mysteries of life. Were she free she might have a lifetime
of happiness with Bourke, but in degree there were many hours of the
past year that in mortal limitations could never be surpassed. The
people had won their fight, but she felt that she had cheated them at
every other point. For, after all, happiness is of kind, not of
quantity. They could strike from her many years of life, but had she not
lived? And a few years more or less—what mattered it? One must die at
the last. She had realised an ideal. She had known love in its
profoundest meaning, in its most delicate vibrations. A thousand years
could give her no more than that.
Suddenly she lifted her head. The rain was dashing against her high
window and against the windows of the corridor. She flushed and trembled
and held her breath expectantly. In a moment she lay along the bed, and
in a moment more forgot her evil state. Memories without form trooped
through her brain: snatches and flashes of childhood and adolescence,
glimmers of dawn, and stirrings of deeps, vistas of enchanted future,
the rising and receding, rising and receding of Mystery, the vague
pleasurable loneliness—the protest of separateness.
Then she pressed her face into the pillows, weeping wildly that she
should see Bourke no more. The rain gave him to her in terrible mockery.
Every part of her demanded him. She cared nothing for the morrow; she
had thought of no to-morrows when with him. Morrows were naught, for
there was always the last; but the present are always there to fulfil or
torment. She shuddered once. The rain had given her back the power to
long and dream; and to longing and dreaming there could be no
fulfilment, not in this world, now nor ever.
She beat her clenched hand against the bed, not in fear, but in
passionate resentment that she with her magnificent endowment for
happiness should be snuffed out in her youth, and that there was no
power on earth to assuage her lover’s agony. She wondered where he was,
what he was doing. She knew that there was no sleep for him.
Her philosophy deserted her, as philosophy will when the sun is under
the horizon. She ceased to be satisfied with what had been; the great
love in her soul cried out and demanded its eternal rights. And her
fainting courage demanded the man. . . .
Her thoughts suddenly took a whimsical turn. What should she be like in
eternity shorn of her stronger part?—for assuredly in her case the man
and the woman were one. Was space full of those incomplete
shapes?—roaming—roaming—for what?—and whither? She recalled a
painting of Vedder’s called “Identity” and Aldrich’s verses beneath:—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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