Paul Clifford — CompleteLytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
General
Paul Clifford — Complete
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
Brigands and robbers -- Fiction
One evening Clifford and his companion Augustus had been enjoying the
rational amusement at Ranelagh, and were just leaving that celebrated
place when they were arrested by a crowd at the entrance. That crowd was
assembled round a pickpocket; and that pickpocket--O virtue, O wisdom,
O Asinaeum!--was Peter MacGrawler! We have before said that Clifford was
possessed of a good mien and an imposing manner, and these advantages
were at that time especially effectual in preserving our Orbilius from
the pump. No sooner did Clifford recognize the magisterial face of
the sapient Scot, than he boldly thrust himself into the middle of
the crowd, and collaring the enterprising citizen who had collared
MacGrawler, declared himself ready to vouch for the honesty of the
very respectable person whose identity had evidently been so grossly
mistaken. Augustus, probably foreseeing some ingenious ruse, of his
companion, instantly seconded the defence. The mob, who never descry any
difference between impudence and truth, gave way; a constable came up,
took part with the friend of two gentlemen so unexceptionally dressed;
our friends walked off; the crowd repented of their precipitation, and
by way of amends ducked the gentleman whose pockets had been picked. It
was in vain for him to defend himself, for he had an impediment in his
speech; and Messieurs the mob, having ducked him once for his guilt,
ducked him a second time for his embarrassment.
In the interim Clifford had withdrawn his quondam Mentor to the asylum
of a coffee-house; and while MacGrawler's soul expanded itself by wine,
he narrated the causes of his dilemma. It seems that that incomparable
journal “The Asinaeum,” despite a series of most popular articles upon
the writings of “Aulus Prudentius,” to which were added an exquisite
string of dialogues, written in a tone of broad humour, namely,
broad Scotch (with Scotchmen it is all the same thing), despite these
invaluable miscellanies, to say nothing of some glorious political
articles, in which it was clearly proved to the satisfaction of
the rich, that the less poor devils eat the better for their
constitutions,--despite, we say, these great acquisitions to British
literature, “The Asinaeum” tottered, fell, buried its bookseller, and
crushed its author. MacGrawler only,--escaping, like Theodore from the
enormous helmet of Otranto,--MacGrawler only survived. “Love,” says Sir
Philip Sidney, “makes a man see better than a pair of spectacles.”
Love of life has a very different effect on the optics,--it makes a
man wofully dim of inspection, and sometimes causes him to see his own
property in another man's purse! This deceptio visus, did it impose upon
Peter MacGrawler? He went to Ranelagh. Reader, thou knowest the rest!
Wine and the ingenuity of the robbers having extorted this narrative
from MacGrawler, the barriers of superfluous delicacy were easily done
away with.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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