impalpable religion of sex to which we raise up idols of poor human
clay, alas, not always to our satisfaction, so that foolishly we fall
into anger against them, forgetting they were but the work of our own
hands; not the body, but the spirit of love.
I allowed a week to elapse after receiving old Hasluck's letter before
presenting myself at Stamford Hill. It was late one afternoon in early
summer. Hasluck had not returned from the City, Mrs. Hasluck was out
visiting, Miss Hasluck was in the garden. I told the supercilious
footman not to trouble, I would seek her there myself. I guessed where
she would be; her favourite spot had always been a sunny corner, bright
with flowers, surrounded by a thick yew hedge, cut, after the Dutch
fashion, into quaint shapes of animals and birds. She was walking there,
as I had expected, reading a book. And again, as I saw her, came back
to me the feeling that had swept across me as a boy, when first outlined
against the dusty books and papers of my father's office she had flashed
upon my eyes: that all the fairy tales had suddenly come true, only
now, instead of the Princess, she was the Queen. Taller she was, with
a dignity that formerly had been the only charm she lacked. She did not
hear my coming, my way being across the soft, short grass, and for a
little while I stood there in the shadow of the yews, drinking in the
beauty of her clear-cut profile, bent down towards her book, the curving
lines of her long neck, the wonder of the exquisite white hand against
the lilac of her dress.
I did not speak; rather would I have remained so watching; but turning
at the end of the path, she saw me, and as she came towards me held out
her hand. I knelt upon the path, and raised it to my lips. The action
was spontaneous, till afterwards I was not aware of having done it. Her
lips were smiling as I raised my eyes to them, the faintest suggestion
of contempt mingling with amusement. Yet she seemed pleased, and her
contempt, even if I were not mistaken, would not have wounded me.
“So you are still in love with me? I wondered if you would be.”
“Did you know that I was in love with you?”
“I should have been blind if I had not.”
“But I was only a boy.”
“You were not the usual type of boy. You are not going to be the usual
type of man.”
“You do not mind my loving you?”
“I cannot help it, can I? Nor can you.”
She seated herself on a stone bench facing a sun-dial, and leaning hack,
her hands clasped behind her head, looked at me and laughed.
“I shall always love you,” I answered, “but it is with a curious sort of
love. I do not understand it myself.”
“Tell me,” she commanded, still with a smile about her lips, “describe
it to me.”
I was standing over against her, my arm resting upon the dial's stone
column. The sun was sinking, casting long shadows on the velvety grass,
illuminating with a golden light her upturned face.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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