He came at last, walking unsteadily to his seat, with that stoop in his
shoulders which had come upon him in prison. He was very pale and thin,
with dark rings around his eyes, which for a few minutes he kept upon
the floor as if he could not meet the hundreds of eyes watching him and
compelling him at last to look up. He had tried to prepare himself for
it, and thought he had done so, but, at the sight of so many
people,—friends, acquaintances and strangers,—some in the rear of the
house, with opera glasses, as if at a play, he felt his strength leaving
him, and was more dead than alive when told to stand up and asked if he
were guilty. Stumbling to his feet, he answered, “Not guilty,” the words
ringing through the room and seeming to come back to him from every
corner and every face in front of him. He was very much alive now. The
numb feeling which had come over him at first was gone, and it seemed to
him his head must burst with the pressure on it. He thought of the band
of which Elithe had written and fancied there was a similar one across
his forehead and the back of his head,—burning, boring, blinding, and
making him lift his hand to loosen it, if possible, or take it away.
Just where it pressed so hard was torture. Below it everything was
clear, and, without apparent effort, he knew where his father sat, with
his mother beside him, her face turned toward him with ineffable love
and pity. She believed him wholly innocent,—so did his father, so did
Tom, these three and no more. All the rest believed it accidental
shooting, and that he was telling lies. This thought hardened him for a
moment, and the glance with which he swept the house had in it something
like reproach and a sense of injustice. This, however, changed as he met
only looks of pity and sympathy, with here and there smiles of
recognition. He saw Miss Hansford and Elithe and was glad the latter was
veiled, feeling instinctively that, next to himself, she was the one
most looked at. He was glad Clarice was not there, but up to the last
minute he had hoped she would send him some word of comfort on this day
which was to try his soul. But she had not. “She does not care as I
thought she would, and she was to have been my wife,” kept repeating
itself over and over in his mind during the preliminaries of the trial,
which were rather long and tiresome.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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