“It--it ain't easy”--Hawkins' voice quavered--“to say--what I got to
say. There ain't no one on earth but Paul Veniza knows it; but you've
got a right to know after what you've said. And I've got to tell you for
Claire's sake too, because it seems to me there ain't nobody going to
help me save her the way you are. She--she's my little girl. I--I'm
Claire's father.” John Bruce stared numbly at the other. He could find
no words; he could only stare.
“Yes, look at me!” burst out the old man finally, and into his voice
there came an infinite bitterness. “Look at my clothes! I'm just what I
look like! I ain't no good--and that's what has kept my little girl and
me apart from the day she was born. Yes, look at me! I don't blame you!”
John Bruce was on his feet. His hand reached out and rested on the old
man's shoulder.
“That isn't the way to trust me, Hawkins,” he said gently. “What do your
clothes matter? What do your looks matter? What does anything in the
world matter alongside of so wonderful a thing as that which you have
just told me? Straighten those shoulders, Hawkins; throw back that
head of yours. Her father! Why, you're the richest man in New York, and
you've reason to be the proudest!”
John Bruce was smiling with both lips and eyes into the other's face. He
felt a tremor pass through the old man's frame; he saw a momentary flash
of joy and pride light up the wrinkled, weather-beaten face--and then
Hawkins turned his head away.
“God bless you,” said Hawkins brokenly; “but you don't know. She's all
I've got; she's the only kith and kin I've got in all the world, and
oh, my God, how these old arms have ached just to take her and hold her
tight, and--and----” He lifted his head suddenly, met John Bruce's eyes,
and a flush dyed his cheeks. “She's my little girl; but I lie when I say
I love her. It's drink I love. That's my shame, John Bruce--you've got
it all now. I pawned my soul, and I pawned my little girl for drink.”
“Hawkins,” said John Bruce huskily, “I think you're a bigger man than
you've any idea you are.”
“D'ye mean that?” Hawkins spoke eagerly--only to shake his head
miserably the next instant. “You don't understand,” he said. “I as
good as killed her mother with drink. She died when Claire was born. I
brought Claire here, and Paul Veniza and his wife took her in. And Paul
Veniza was right about it. He made me promise she wasn't to know I was
her father until--until she would have a man and not a drunken sot to
look after her. That's twenty years ago. I've tried.. God knows I've
tried, but it's beaten me ever since. Paul's wife died when Claire was
sixteen, and Claire's run the house for Paul--and--and I'm Hawkins--just
Hawkins--the old cab driver that's dropping in the harness. Just Hawkins
that shuffers the traveling pawn-shop now that Paul's quit the regular
shop. That's what I am--just old Hawkins, who's always swearing to God
he's going to leave the booze alone.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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