British -- Asia -- Fiction; Women physicians -- Fiction
longed to be able to do something that might justify her in Dick’s
eyes, might bring him to acquiesce of his own free will in her
continuing the practice of her profession, and thus avert the crisis
she foresaw and feared. There was only one thing that could come
between Dick and herself, and that was her work; but she knew that if
she was true to her principles, she must uphold it against Dick. She
had gained a temporary advantage that morning, but she was already
ashamed of the weapons of which she had made use.
“Mine was a weak impulse,” she said to herself, “for it led me to
appeal merely to Dick’s feelings, instead of to his reason and his
sense of right. I made him ashamed of himself, but it was in an unfair
way--almost as bad as it would have been if I had cried. I can’t think
what led me to do it--I suppose it was simply a reversion to the
tactics of the Old Woman. It was lowering myself, and it lowered
Dick--he would never have stooped to try to coax me, but he yields
when I coax him. Of course he liked it--he naturally would, but that
doesn’t make it any better. I asked him to do as a favour to me what
he ought, as a gentleman, to do as a mere matter of justice, and if he
follows the thing out logically he will feel at liberty to sneer at
any other medical woman he may meet, even though he makes an exception
in my case. I have gone to work in the wrong way--no doubt it is the
most comfortable, but that doesn’t signify if it isn’t right. It’s no
use pretending that Dick is perfect--he isn’t, any more than I am; but
I want to see him getting nearer to perfection the more I have to do
with him, and it wouldn’t be the way to bring that about if I helped
him to grow into a tyrant whose most unreasonable wish was law unless
he could be wheedled out of it. No, I see that he has a great deal to
learn yet: I am only afraid that I may not be the right person to
teach it him. I am so much afraid of hurting his feelings--and I don’t
know how I could ever do without him now.”
In short, Georgia was in a difficult position, between an exacting
professional conscience and a sufficiently masterful lover, but it is
possible that her very tenderness for Dick’s feelings afforded her a
better guarantee of success than if she had cared for him less. He, on
his part, was quite content to enjoy to the full his unexpected
happiness, without troubling himself about the future, and he knew
nothing of the heavy sigh with which Georgia at last put her own
affairs from her, and dismounted from the litter in the harem
courtyard at the Palace, prepared to throw herself wholly into the
joys and sorrows of its inmates.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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