Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite HumoristPeck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
You devote a good deal of time and labor to the raising of sheep, and what
do you get for it. The best sheep cannot lay more than eight pounds of
wool in a season, and even if you get fifty cents a pound for it, you have
not got any great bonanza. Now, the state encourages the raising of
wolves, by offering a bounty of ten dollars for a piece of skin off the
head of each wolf. It does not cost any more to raise a wolf than it does
to raise a sheep, and while sheep rarely raise more than two lambs a year,
a pair of good wolves are liable to raise twenty young ones in the course
of a year, if it is a good year for wolves. In addition to the
encouragement offered by the state, many counties give as much more, so
that one wolf scalp will bring more money than five sheep. You will
readily see that our wise legislators are offering inducements to you that
you should be thankful for. You can establish a wolf orchard on any farm,
and with a pair of good wolves to start on, there is millions in it.
THE SUDDEN FIRE-WORKS AT RACINE.
One of those Fourth of July accidents that are always looked for but
seldom occur, happened at Racine, Monday night, which struck terror to the
hearts and other portions of the bodies of many eminent citizens, and that
none were killed we can all thank Providence, who tempers the fire-works
to the sweaty citizen in his shirt sleeves. The enterprizing citizens had
contributed a large sum of money, which had been judiciously expended in
all kinds of fire-works, and one side of the public square was given up to
the display.
Thousands of citizens had gathered there, from city and country, and
bright Roman candles shone o'er fair men and brave women, and sixteen
thousand nine hundred and twelve hearts beat happy, while music arose with
its voluptuous swell, and soft eyes looked love to eyes which spake again,
or words to that effect. At least that was what a young fellow from Racine
told us, who was here to see a specialist to have a splinter from a rocket
stick removed from his ear.
A few pieces had been shot off, a few bunches of crackers had had their
tails tied together and been hung over a wire clothes line, like cats, to
fight it out, and the crowd was holding its breath for the next boom, when
there was an explosion; the earth seemed to tremble, and the air was full
of all kinds of fire-works. The whole supply of fire-works had become
ignited, and were blowing off where they listeth, without regard to
anybody's feelings.
The crowd became panic stricken, and there never was another such a scene,
and never will be until the last great day, when a few thousand people
suddenly find that they have got into hell, by mistake, when they thought
they were ticketed through to the other place. It was perfectly awful.
Prominent citizens who usually display great pluck, became fearfully
rattled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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