Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite HumoristPeck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
Some of the silver dollars rolled off on the floor, and he had to put some
in his coat pockets, but he got them all, and looked around at the
congregation with a smile and wiped the perspiration from his forehead
with a bandanna handkerchief and winked, as much as to say, "The first man
that speaks disrespectfully of a traveling man in my presence will get
thumped, and don't you forget it."
The minister rose up in the pulpit, looked at the wealth on the table, and
read the hymn, "A charge to keep I have," and the congregation joined, the
travelers swelling the glad anthem as though they belonged to a
Pinafore chorus. They all bowed their heads while the minister, with one
eye on the dollars, pronounced the benediction, and the services were
over.
The traveling men filed out through the smiles of the ladies and went to
the hotel, while half the congregation went forward to the anxious seat,
to "view the remains." It is safe to say that it will be unsafe, in the
future, to speak disparagingly of traveling men in Green Bay, as long as
the memory of that blockade Sunday remains green with the good people
there.
ANNA DICKINSON.
Anna Dickinson is going upon the stage again and is to play male
characters, such as "Hamlet," "Macbeth," and "Claude Melnotte." We have
insisted for years that Anna Dickinson was a man, and we dare anybody to
prove to the contrary. There is one way to settle this matter, and that is
when she plays Hamlet. Let the stage manager put a large spider in the
skull of Yorick, and when Hamlet takes up the skull and says, "Alas, poor
Yorick, I was pretty solid with him," let the spider crawl out of one of
the eye holes onto Hamlet's hand, and proceed to walk up Miss Dickinson's
sleeve. If Hamlet simply shakes the spider off, and goes on with the
funeral unconcerned, then Miss Dickinson is a man. But if Hamlet screams
bloody murder, throws the skull at the grave digger, falls over into the
grave, tears his shirt, jumps out of the grave and shakes his imaginary
skirts, gathers them up in his hands and begins to climb up the scenes
like a Samantha cat chased by a dog, and gets on top of the first fly and
raises Hamlet's back and spits, then Miss Dickinson is a woman. The
country will watch eagerly for the result of this test, which we trust
will be made at the Boston Theatre next week.
EXPEDITION IN SEARCH OF A DOUGHNUT.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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