Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite HumoristPeck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
The school board, at its last session adopted the following rule: "The
continental system of pronounciation shall be taught in the high schools
of La Crosse, and no other allowed except by direction of board of
education." We are glad the rule has been adopted, as there is no doubt
that the continental system is the best. We have been pained beyond
measure, as no doubt all of the school board have, at hearing the scholars
pronounce Latin by 'tother system. No longer ago than last Saturday, when
we were in Mons. Anderson's, a girl came in and asked for a pair of Latin
corsets, by the Onalaska system of pronounciation. The clerk, not
understanding, went and got a pair of those undershirts and drawers,
complete in one number, with no tale to be continued. The girl blushed,
the clerk did not understand, and we had to explain by the continental
system, and the girl got her corsets, but suppose there had not been a
Latin scholar standing around there waiting for his wife to buy a package
of safty pins, what a predicament the girl would have been in. On behalf
of the people, THE SUN thanks the board of education for adopting the
continental system of pronounciation, only they ought to go further, and
make it a crime punishable with suicide for anybody to pronounce it in any
other way. There has been suffering enough by pronouncing it the old way.
PECK'S BAD BOY AND HIS PA.
HE IS TOO HEALTHY.
"There, I knew you would get into trouble," said the grocery man to the
bad boy, as a policeman came along leading him by the ear, the boy having
an empty champagne bottle in one hand, and a black eye. "What has he been
doing Mr. Policeman?" asked the grocery man, as the policeman halted with
the boy in front of the store.
"Well, I was going by a house up here when this kid opened the door with a
quart bottle of champagne, and he cut the wire and fired the cork at
another boy, and the champagne went all over the sidewalk, and some of it
went on me, and I knew there was something wrong, cause champagne is too
expensive to waste that way, and he said he was running the shebang and if
I would bring him here you would say he was all right. If you say so I
will let him go."
The grocery man said he had better let the boy go, as his parents would
not like to have their little pet locked up. So the policeman let go his
ear, and he throwed the empty bottle at a coal wagon, and after the
policeman had brushed the champagne off his coat, and smelled of his
fingers, and started off, the grocery man turned to the boy, who was
peeling a cucumber, and said:
"Now, what kind of a circus have you been having, and what do you mean by
destroying wine that way! and, where are your folks?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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