Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite HumoristPeck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
Well, if a democratic torch-light procession had marched unbidden down her
throat she couldn't have been any more astonished. She leaned over to pick
up her handkerchief and spit the candy out, but there was enough pepper
left around the selvage of her mouth to have pickled a peck of chow-chow.
It was her turn to sing, and as she rose and took the book, her eyes
filled with tears, her voice trembled, her face was as red as a spanked
lobster, and the way she sung that old hymn was a caution. With a sweet
tremulo she sung, "A Charge to Keep I Have," and the congregation was
almost melted to tears.
As she stopped, while the organist got in a little work, she
turned her head, opened her mouth and blew out her breath with a "whoosh,"
to cool her mouth. The audience saw her wipe a tear away, but did not hear
the sound of her voice as she "whooshed." She wiped out some of the pepper
with her handkerchief and sang the other verses with a good deal of
fervor, and the choir sat down, all of the members looking at the soprano.
She called for water, the noble tenor went and got it for her, and after
she had drank a couple of quarts, she whispered to him: "Young man, I will
get even with you for that peppermint candy if I have to live a thousand
years, and don't you forget it," and then they all sat down and looked
pious, while the minister preached a most beautiful sermon on "Faith." We
expect that tenor will be blowed through the roof some Sunday morning, and
the congregation will wonder what he is in such a hurry for.
SUPREME COURT JUDGES AND U.S. SENATORS.
I would call your attention to a change that it seems to me should be made
in the method of selecting U.S. Senators and Supreme Judges. Heretofore it
has been noticeable that the men who carried the longest pole knocked down
the senatorial persimmons. In the matter of the election of Judges of the
Supreme Court, it has been the practice to secure men for those places at
an enormous salary, when other men would be willing to do the work and
board themselves. The suggestion I would make is that you pass a law
letting the offices of United States Senator and Judges of the Supreme
Court to the lowest bidder. This method will be economical and will secure
to the state men who can legislate and judge things well enough for all
practical purposes. The way times are now we must get things at panic
prices or go without.
OUR CHRISTIAN NEIGHBORS HAVE GONE.
It pains us to announce that the Young Men's Christian Association, which
has had rooms on two sides of our office for more than a year, has moved
away. We do not know why they moved, as we have tried to do everything it
was possible to do for their comfort, and to cheer them in their lonely
life. That their proximity to the _Sun_ office has been beneficial to them
we are assured, and the closeness has not done us any hurt as we know of.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account