My whole being was wrapped in a storm and my bosom caged a whirlwind.
I could be calm enough, apparently, and yet I was growing aware of that
tempest of spirit which shook me like an aspen. I had been dull--dull
to the point of crime; but now my wisdom would begin to sharpen and
brighten itself.
Still, I had so much coolness to call my own that I was glad of the fact
of Rivera. I remember thinking on that; for, with no more words than the
dumb, he was as secret as a mole and as honest, withal, and
single-hearted as a hound. There would be none to know; as Peg said, she
had torn a night from eternity to be ours and ours alone.
While these thoughts went tumbling down the steeps of my conjecturings,
I continued mechanically to caress Peg's hair, and it felt like a web of
gossamer in my coarse fingers.
“Contemn you, child!” said I, and my voice was not much louder than had
been hers, and I bent down my head so that she might hear; “contemn
you! I would as soon impeach the snow outside, new given from the sky,
denouncing it for soot.”
Peg began to weep, and I could hear the sharp catching of her sobs.
Suddenly the moan came sighing up to me:
“Oh, if there were no such word as right or justice or duty, but only
love--just love!” Then with a quick backward twist of her form that was
like an impulse, and as replete of a swift grace as any suppleness of
that long ago leopard whereof she would so often make me think, Peg
turned herself in my arms, and with her own encircling my neck lay
crying on my bosom. I held her close--closer. I could tell the beating
of her heart, count the footfalls of her nature as though she were
parcel of myself. How I loved her! adored her!--my prone spirit would
fall on its knees to her for its Deity.
The while, too, and with my soul at these prayers, my candor would
arrest me for the traitor I was. Where should be that conscience the
General spoke on? Or where that honor which was to have been as a sentry
to check my strayings? That honor was recreant where love would take the
field against it; that conscience was so much apostate of the right
it would frame an argument of equity and claim superior liberty for
superior love, and be all for carrying Peg away. My boasted manhood was
a rope of sand!
Even now, as weary-white with years I tell this tale of dead and other
days, I yet wonder upon that discovery of myself. This was what I beheld:
I had loved Peg from the start; the General's jest was sober truth. I
would worship her, and then cheat myself with lie and sophistry to hide
my villainy against my own detection. And now when the mask was fallen
and I stood face to face with the true image of my infamy, would I still
press forward to my sins? Or would I think on the good General, and the
pain and the foul stain for each of us which I was about to compass?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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