“What should be the wrong in me?” Peg went on. “Knowing the right from
the left, I take ever the left hand turning; seeing good and evil, I
choose the bad, and there rises a black glory in my heart like a cloud
of pleasant sin to swallow up repentance. Oh, if I might only tame
myself to an appearance of right and be a hypocrite when I may not be a
saint!”
Peg was presently better restored to herself. In the very moment when
the gates of my soul would open to let it forth to her and I gave myself
into her hands to be fashioned by her as she would, Peg began to gather
steadiness. It was she to now think and speak and decide for both of
us; for myself, I was clean swept away. I was not to know this new
strength of Peg's from her tones alone, or the trend of what she uttered;
I could feel her heart-throbs become firmer and more slow as she lay
in my arms, and it was in them I read the truth of her resolve.
“Watch-dog,” said Peg in a way most sweetly solemn, “I think nothing
of myself. If it were I alone to be unmade, I'd never leave your arms
again. Come weal, come woe, here would I bide, and while your arms were
round me the worst would change to be the best. But I will not see you
under the mire of men's tongues. Dear one, you would die! You are one
whose life grows on his honor like a flower on its stem; disgrace would
cut you down and you would die. And yet, I am glad I love you; I am
glad I care nothing for myself. Let my fate be woven to me coarse as
sackcloth, harsh as nettles, yet will I exult while I draw its folds
about me. I will go on as a world would say I should; and if the way of
life lie steep, I'll still climb on and think I toil for you; and if it
be stony and if it bruise my feet, I'll say I suffer that to keep you
safe; I'll make my grief my Eden and find in the endless woe of your
surrender a nobler, higher, more immortal transport than would have
owned me in your arms. And there will be another world!” Peg's tones
swung low to my ear, and mystical. “Watch-dog, there he lives after
this.”
Peg was silent for a space, and would turn even and cool and in a way of
content. I, on my part, might neither say her yea nor nay, for I was in
the hollow of her hand like a pebble to be retained or cast by her into
the sea as she should conclude.
And somehow I was no longer in the dark. I loved her; and yet I knew Peg
was not to be for me; she had said the word; she would go and I would
stay; for all her soft beauty and that love for me which spoke in every
fiber of her being, the truth flowed in on me like a tide that in no way
might I change her or shape her or move her from her will. Against my
prayer and in the front of protest, I would be saved to myself and I
would lose her; she would do it all. What was it the General said? He
would save Peg from Peg? It was she who now would save me from both
herself and me when my love-sown madness was hot to make a wreck of all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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