Pelham — CompleteLytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
History
Pelham — Complete
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
Adventure stories; English fiction -- 19th century; Great Britain -- History -- 19th century -- Fiction
“For that word, so doubtful in our language, I may at least call you in
your own. I am unwilling that you should leave this country with those
sentiments you now entertain of me, unaltered, yet I cannot imagine any
form of words of sufficient magic to change them. Oh! if you knew how
much I am to be pitied; if you could look for one moment into this
lonely and blighted heart; if you could trace, step by step, the
progress I have made in folly and sin, you would see how much of what
you now condemn and despise, I have owed to circumstances, rather than
to the vice of my disposition. I was born a beauty, educated a beauty,
owed fame, rank, power to beauty; and it is to the advantages I have
derived from person that I owe the ruin of my mind. You have seen how
much I now derive from art I loathe myself as I write that sentence; but
no matter: from that moment you loathed me too. You did not take into
consideration, that I had been living on excitement all my youth, and
that in my maturer years I could not relinquish it. I had reigned by my
attractions, and I thought every art preferable to resigning my empire:
but in feeding my vanity, I had not been able to stifle the dictates of
my heart. Love is so natural to a woman, that she is scarcely a woman
who resists it: but in me it has been a sentiment, not a passion.
“Sentiment, then, and vanity, have been my seducers. I said, that I
owed my errors to circumstances, not to nature. You will say, that
in confessing love and vanity to be my seducers, I contradict this
assertion--you are mistaken. I mean, that though vanity and sentiment
were in me, yet the scenes in which I have been placed, and the events
which I have witnessed, gave to those latent currents of action a wrong
and a dangerous direction. I was formed to love; for one whom I did love
I could have made every sacrifice. I married a man I hated, and I only
learnt the depths of my heart when it was too late.
“Enough of this; you will leave this country; we shall never meet
again--never! You may return to Paris, but I shall then be no more;
n’importe--I shall be unchanged to the last. Je mourrai en reine.
“As a latest pledge of what I have felt for you, I send you the enclosed
chain and ring; as a latest favour, I request you to wear them for six
months, and, above all, for two hours in the Tuileries tomorrow. You
will laugh at this request: it seems idle and romantic--perhaps it
is so. Love has many exaggerations in sentiment, which reason would
despise. What wonder, then, that mine, above that of all others, should
conceive them? You will not, I know, deny this request. Farewell!--in
this world we shall never meet again, and I believe not in the existence
of another. Farewell!
“E. P.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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