“I find by a letter from my old maiden cousin addressed to the Countess, that the young lady’s father is not in such flourishing circumstances as he represents himself, and if Darnley has deserted her also, I think that I may now have her on my own terms. However, if Aimwell makes a fuss about the matter, let the negociation go on as if for marriage. Only of course you will represent that it is absolutely indispensable that the marriage must be private, and must be kept a secret for some time. Bring her up to town with you as soon as possible, giving me a day’s notice of your journey. “Yours ever, SPOONBILL.” Now the conduct which Lord Spoonbill recommended Colonel Crop to pursue on this occasion, was villanous, mean, and treacherous. But the right honorable one knew that the gallant officer would not disoblige a good friend; and the colonel himself, though he might perhaps have had some slight objection to be used as an instrument of treachery, was peculiarly situated. For he knew not where else he should find so good a table and such superb claret, at so slight a cost as at the houses of Lord Smatterton. Besides, it was not (he reasoned) his fault, if Lord Spoonbill should deceive the young lady. It is very likely that Colonel Crop, under other circumstances, would not have lent himself to negociations of this nature; but as it was, he could not well help himself. It is also very probable that, if Lord Spoonbill had not been dependent on his father, he would not have used such indirect and circuitous negociation, and he might perhaps have made honorable proposals instead of making those which were dishonorable. The Society for the Suppression of Vice is perfectly aware that narrowness of circumstances is the great cause of most of the sins of which mortals are guilty; and therefore that venerable society wisely directs its attention and investigations to the poorer classes. The nobility never sell apples on Sunday, the nobility never shave for a penny on Sunday morning. And all those countless abominations, at which that excellent society lifts up its pious eyes, are the sins arising from narrowness of circumstances and dependence of situation. When Colonel Crop had read Lord Spoonbill’s letter, he forthwith proceeded to make such additions to his own letter as the circumstances of the case required; and if the colonel had not been an indolent man, and desirous of affecting a very laconic species of writing, he most surely would, in the letter which he wrote on this occasion, have led his right honorable employer to suspect an error of apprehension, and a mistake in the person.