Civilization, Western -- Fiction; France -- Civilization -- Fiction; Penguins -- Fiction; Satire
“Take care. Perhaps the Republic is stronger than it seems. Possibly,
too, by dragging it out of the nerveless inertia in which it now rests
we may only consolidate its forces. Its malice is great; if we attack
it, it will defend itself. It makes bad laws which hardly affect us; if
it is frightened it will make terrible ones against us. Let us not
lightly engage in an adventure in which we may get fleeced. You think
the opportunity a good one. I don’t, and I am going to tell you why.
The present government is not yet known by everybody, that is to say,
it is known by nobody. It proclaims that it is the Public Thing, the
common thing. The populace believes it and remains democratic and
Republican. But patience! This same people will one day demand that the
public thing be the people’s thing. I need not tell you how insolent,
unregulated, and contrary to Scriptural polity such claims seem to me.
But the people will make them, and enforce them, and then there will be
an end of the present government. The moment cannot now be far distant;
and it is then that we ought to act in the interests of our august
body. Let us wait. What hurries us? Our existence is not in peril. It
has not been rendered absolutely intolerable to us. The Republic fails
in respect and submission to us; it does not give the priests the
honours it owes them. But it lets us live. And such is the excellence
of our position that with us to live is to prosper. The Republic is
hostile to us, but women revere us. President Formose does not assist
at the celebration of our mysteries, but I have seen his wife and
daughters at my feet. They buy my phials by the gross. I have no better
clients even among the aristocracy. Let us say what there is to be said
for it. There is no country in the world as good for priests and monks
as Penguinia. In what other country would you find our virgin wax, our
virile incense, our rosaries, our scapulars, our holy water, and our
St. Orberosian liqueur sold in such great quantities? What other people
would, like the Penguins, give a hundred golden crowns for a wave of
our hands, a sound from our mouths, a movement of our lips? For my
part, I gain a thousand times more, in this pleasant, faithful, and
docile Penguinia, by extracting the essence from a bundle of thyme,
than I could make by tiring my lungs with preaching the remission of
sins in the most populous states of Europe and America. Honestly, would
Penguinia be better off if a police officer came to take me away from
here and put me on a steamboat bound for the Islands of Night?”
Having thus spoken, the monk of Conils got up and led his guest into a
huge shed where hundreds of orphans clothed in blue were packing
bottles, nailing up cases, and gumming tickets. The ear was deafened by
the noise of hammers mingled with the dull rumbling of bales being
placed upon the rails.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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