Bildungsromans; Boys -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Middle West -- Fiction
“He's a mystery to ME!” said her husband. “And he refuses to explain
why he objects to being called 'little gentleman.' Says he'd do the same
thing--and worse--if anybody dared to call him that again. He said if
the President of the United States called him that he'd try to whip him.
How long did you have him locked up in the closet?”
“SH!” said Mrs. Schofield warningly. “About two hours; but I don't think
it softened his spirit at all, because when I took him to the barber's
to get his hair clipped again, on account of the tar in it, Sammy
Williams and Maurice Levy were there for the same reason, and they just
WHISPERED 'little gentleman,' so low you could hardly hear them--and
Penrod began fighting with them right before me, and it was really all
the barber and I could do to drag him away from them. The barber was
very kind about it, but Penrod----”
“I tell you he's a lunatic!” Mr. Schofield would have said the same
thing of a Frenchman infuriated by the epithet “camel.” The philosophy
of insult needs expounding.
“SH!” said Mrs. Schofield. “It does seem a kind of frenzy.”
“Why on earth should any sane person mind being called----”
“SH!” said Mrs. Schofield. “It's beyond ME!”
“What are you SH-ing me for?” demanded Mr. Schofield explosively.
“SH!” said Mrs. Schofield. “It's Mr. Kinosling, the new rector of Saint
Joseph's.”
“Where?”
“SH! On the front porch with Margaret; he's going to stay for dinner. I
do hope----”
“Bachelor, isn't he?”
“Yes.”
“OUR old minister was speaking of him the other day,” said Mr.
Schofield, “and he didn't seem so terribly impressed.”
“SH! Yes; about thirty, and of course so superior to most of Margaret's
friends--boys home from college. She thinks she likes young Robert
Williams, I know--but he laughs so much! Of course there isn't any
comparison. Mr. Kinosling talks so intellectually; it's a good thing for
Margaret to hear that kind of thing, for a change and, of course, he's
very spiritual. He seems very much interested in her.” She paused to
muse. “I think Margaret likes him; he's so different, too. It's the
third time he's dropped in this week, and I----”
“Well,” said Mr. Schofield grimly, “if you and Margaret want him to come
again, you'd better not let him see Penrod.”
“But he's asked to see him; he seems interested in meeting all the
family. And Penrod nearly always behaves fairly well at table.”
She paused, and then put to her husband a question referring to his
interview with Penrod upstairs. “Did you--did you--do it?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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