The hallucination passed. She felt mentality strengthen in her, felt
resolution rise triumphant over weakness. These were not lunatics, but
two sufferers, two sick men. And she, Patricia, would cure them both. To
cure, to heal—these were the blessed functions of her womanhood. . . .
At last, Francis said good-night; lit his final cigarette; limped
towards the door. Patricia helped him on with his coat; found him his
torch; watched it dancing over the gravel towards the gate. “Take care
of yourself,” she called after him: and thought of Prout, waiting-up in
that lonely cottage. She could trust Prout—but for how long? And the
girl in America? What would “that girl” do? If I were her, thought
Patricia, nothing on earth would keep me from him. . . . Thought
expired: she turned back to her husband.
Peter had not moved from the sofa. He sat hunched-up, peering into the
fire. His face showed thin and drawn in the flame-light. A great throb
of pity for him suffused her: she wanted to fling herself at his feet,
to ask his pardon. Mad? Her Peter mad? How had she dared so much as
think it of him? He was only ill, ill and sad and broken. His life, his
dreams, his health—everything he valued in the world—had gone to
smash. He had flung them down, a free gift, in the temple of honour. And
now, now he had no more to give! He was spent in honour, exhausted of
giving. But she—she to whom he had given, all his life,
ungrudgingly—she the acceptor of his gifts—she was not spent; her
giving had not yet begun, the fountain of it gushed in her veins,
ungrudging, inexhaustible, a great bright fountain of giving. . . .
“Peter!” Her voice woke him from reverie. He felt her warm arms round
his neck; her warm lips on his cheek. Instinctively, he recoiled from
them: they seemed to invade the privacy of his thought. The warmth of
womanhood had no place among those cold devils of fear with whom he
walked o’ nights. . . . But she would not let him go. Her arms clung to
him; her lips explored his face; her body snuggled against him on the
sofa. . . . “Peter,” she was whispering at his ear—“make love to me.
Make love to me tonight. I can’t bear you to be away from me any
more. . . . You’re being cruel to me, Peter. . . . I can’t go on doing
without you, I just can’t. . . . Despise me if you like: but don’t
reject me. I want you so . . . I’m shameless. I haven’t got any shame
left in me. But I want you, Peter: I want you as you used to want me.
You used to want me once, Peter.” . . . He lay in her arms, passive, a
man struck dumb. . . . “Peter, you must love me tonight. I can’t be
alone any more. Oh, boy, boy”—the old love-word quivered at her
lips—“I want you so much. I can’t be alone any more, boy. Are you
afraid to love me? . . .”
He sprang from the sofa with a great shrill cry: “Afraid! Yes. I am
afraid. God forgive me for being a coward. I am afraid.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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