Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for Men and WomenMacDonald, George
Science
Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for Men and Women
MacDonald, George
Fantasy fiction
Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and
recognised the country around me. In the valley below, lay my own
castle, and the haunts of my childhood were all about me hastened home.
My sisters received me with unspeakable joy; but I suppose they
observed some change in me, for a kind of respect, with a slight touch
of awe in it, mingled with their joy, and made me ashamed. They had
been in great distress about me. On the morning of my disappearance,
they had found the floor of my room flooded; and, all that day, a
wondrous and nearly impervious mist had hung about the castle and
grounds. I had been gone, they told me, twenty-one days. To me it
seemed twenty-one years. Nor could I yet feel quite secure in my new
experiences. When, at night, I lay down once more in my own bed, I did
not feel at all sure that when I awoke, I should not find myself in
some mysterious region of Fairy Land. My dreams were incessant and
perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw clearly that I was in my own
home.
My mind soon grew calm; and I began the duties of my new position,
somewhat instructed, I hoped, by the adventures that had befallen me in
Fairy Land. Could I translate the experience of my travels there, into
common life? This was the question. Or must I live it all over again,
and learn it all over again, in the other forms that belong to the
world of men, whose experience yet runs parallel to that of Fairy Land?
These questions I cannot answer yet. But I fear.
Even yet, I find myself looking round sometimes with anxiety, to see
whether my shadow falls right away from the sun or no. I have never yet
discovered any inclination to either side. And if I am not unfrequently
sad, I yet cast no more of a shade on the earth, than most men who have
lived in it as long as I. I have a strange feeling sometimes, that I am
a ghost, sent into the world to minister to my fellow men, or, rather,
to repair the wrongs I have already done.
May the world be brighter for me, at least in those portions of it,
where my darkness falls not.
Thus I, who set out to find my Ideal, came back rejoicing that I had
lost my Shadow.
When the thought of the blessedness I experienced, after my death in
Fairy Land, is too high for me to lay hold upon it and hope in it, I
often think of the wise woman in the cottage, and of her solemn
assurance that she knew something too good to be told. When I am
oppressed by any sorrow or real perplexity, I often feel as if I had
only left her cottage for a time, and would soon return out of the
vision, into it again. Sometimes, on such occasions, I find myself,
unconsciously almost, looking about for the mystic mark of red, with
the vague hope of entering her door, and being comforted by her wise
tenderness. I then console myself by saying: “I have come through the
door of Dismay; and the way back from the world into which that has led
me, is through my tomb. Upon that the red sign lies, and I shall find
it one day, and be glad.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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