“But I agree with those people who think that the world cannot get on
without a Church. Now, I am sanguine enough to believe that a Church
founded on your ideas of what is orthodox would be the means of doing
a great deal of good. It would do a great deal of good to my wife, to
start with. She does not know that she is so soon to be a widow. Were
she to know, the last months of my life would be miserable to both of
us. I have noticed with some pain, or should I say amusement? perhaps
that word would be the better--I have noticed, I say, that her life
is one of complete aimlessness, and that, therefore, she is tempted
to think too much about herself. She is also tempted to have longings
for--well, for temptation. Ah, she is a woman and temptation is in the
way of women. _Qui parle d’amour, fait l’amour_: temptation comes to the
woman who thinks about being tempted. Now, I want to give her something
to think about that shall lead her out of the thoughts of temptation
which I suppose come naturally to a daughter of Eve--the first woman
who thought about temptation and was therefore tempted. My wife is a
perfectly good woman, and you will be surprised to find out when I am
dead how fond of me she was--she will be the most surprised of all. But
she is a woman. If she were not so much of a woman I don’t suppose I
should ever have cared so much for her as I do. I cared so much for her,
Mr. Holland, that I remained away from her in Paris for three months so
that I might school myself to my fate, making no sign that would lead
her to suspect the truth. Why should she have six months’ additional
misery? I have strayed. The Church. I want to give my wife an aim in
life; to make her feel that she is doing something worthy--to keep her
from thinking of less worthy things. Now, I think you will agree with
me that there is nothing women are really so fond of as a Church of
some sort. To be devout is as much a part of a woman’s disposition as to
love--the passion of devoutness sometimes takes the place of the passion
of love in her nature. Now, I want to give her this idea of a Church to
work out when I am dead. I want you to carry out as joint trustee with
her your theories in regard to the ritual, the art, the sermon; and for
this purpose I should of course provide an ample endowment--say three
or four thousand a year; anything you may suggest: I shall leave a great
deal of money behind me.”
“Your project startles me, Mr. Linton,” said George Holland. “It
startles me as greatly as the first revelation you made to me did.
They may be mistaken--the doctors; I have known cases where the highest
authorities were ludicrously in error. Let us hope that.”
“Well, we may hope; I may live long enough to lay the foundation stone
of the Church myself. But I am most anxious that you should give the
whole matter your earnest attention.”
“I am quite dazed. Do you suggest that I should leave the Church of
England?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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