Autobiographical fiction; Domestic fiction; Male authors -- Fiction; Men -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
Within his social recollections there was a very remarkable case of a
youth, who, while all but affianced to a beautiful girl--one returning
his own throbbings with incipient passion--became somehow casually and
momentarily betrayed into an imprudent manifested tenderness toward a
second lady; or else, that second lady's deeply-concerned friends caused
it to be made known to the poor youth, that such committal tenderness
toward her he had displayed, nor had it failed to exert its natural
effect upon her; certain it is, this second lady drooped and drooped,
and came nigh to dying, all the while raving of the cruel infidelity of
her supposed lover; so that those agonizing appeals, from so really
lovely a girl, that seemed dying of grief for him, at last so moved the
youth, that--morbidly disregardful of the fact, that inasmuch as two
ladies claimed him, the prior lady had the best title to his hand--his
conscience insanely upbraided him concerning the second lady; he thought
that eternal woe would surely overtake him both here and hereafter if he
did not renounce his first love--terrible as the effort would be both to
him and her--and wed with the second lady; which he accordingly did;
while, through his whole subsequent life, delicacy and honor toward his
thus wedded wife, forbade that by explaining to his first love how it
was with him in this matter, he should tranquilize her heart; and,
therefore, in her complete ignorance, she believed that he was willfully
and heartlessly false to her; and so came to a lunatic's death on his
account.
This strange story of real life, Pierre knew to be also familiar to
Lucy; for they had several times conversed upon it; and the first love
of the demented youth had been a school-mate of Lucy's, and Lucy had
counted upon standing up with her as bridesmaid. Now, the passing idea
was self-suggested to Pierre, whether into Lucy's mind some such conceit
as this, concerning himself and Isabel, might not possibly have stolen.
But then again such a supposition proved wholly untenable in the end;
for it did by no means suffice for a satisfactory solution of the
absolute motive of the extraordinary proposed step of Lucy; nor indeed
by any ordinary law of propriety, did it at all seem to justify that
step. Therefore, he know not what to think; hardly what to dream.
Wonders, nay, downright miracles and no less were sung about Love; but
here was the absolute miracle itself--the out-acted miracle. For
infallibly certain he inwardly felt, that whatever her strange conceit;
whatever her enigmatical delusion; whatever her most secret and
inexplicable motive; still Lucy in her own virgin heart remained
transparently immaculate, without shadow of flaw or vein. Nevertheless,
what inconceivable conduct this was in her, which she in her letter so
passionately proposed! Altogether, it amazed him; it confounded him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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