Autobiographical fiction; Domestic fiction; Male authors -- Fiction; Men -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
Though the conviction that he must never disclose his secret to his
mother was originally an unmeditated, and as it were, an inspired one;
yet now he was almost pains-taking in scrutinizing the entire
circumstances of the matter, in order that nothing might be overlooked.
For already he vaguely felt, that upon the concealment, or the
disclosure of this thing, with reference to his mother, hinged his whole
future course of conduct, his whole earthly weal, and Isabel's. But the
more and the more that he pondered upon it, the more and the more fixed
became his original conviction. He considered that in the case of a
disclosure, all human probability pointed to his mother's scornful
rejection of his suit as a pleader for Isabel's honorable admission into
the honorable mansion of the Glendinnings. Then in that case,
unconsciously thought Pierre, I shall have given the deep poison of a
miserable truth to my mother, without benefit to any, and positive harm
to all. And through Pierre's mind there then darted a baleful thought;
how that the truth should not always be paraded; how that sometimes a
lie is heavenly, and truth infernal. Filially infernal, truly, thought
Pierre, if I should by one vile breath of truth, blast my father's
blessed memory in the bosom of my mother, and plant the sharpest dagger
of grief in her soul. I will not do it!
But as this resolution in him opened up so dark and wretched a
background to his view, he strove to think no more of it now, but
postpone it until the interview with Isabel should have in some way more
definitely shaped his purposes. For, when suddenly encountering the
shock of new and unanswerable revelations, which he feels must
revolutionize all the circumstances of his life, man, at first, ever
seeks to shun all conscious definitiveness in his thoughts and purposes;
as assured, that the lines that shall precisely define his present
misery, and thereby lay out his future path; these can only be defined
by sharp stakes that cut into his heart.
III.
Most melancholy of all the hours of earth, is that one long, gray hour,
which to the watcher by the lamp intervenes between the night and day;
when both lamp and watcher, over-tasked, grow sickly in the pallid
light; and the watcher, seeking for no gladness in the dawn, sees naught
but garish vapors there; and almost invokes a curse upon the public
day, that shall invade his lonely night of sufferance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account