Plain Mary Smith: A Romance of Red SaundersPhillips, Henry Wallace
General
Plain Mary Smith: A Romance of Red Saunders
Phillips, Henry Wallace
Fiction; Humorous stories
"Talk later, we're busy now!" says Pedro.
"We shall spare your lives, if you yield the store. We only wish to
destroy this because it belongs to Holton, who supports the iniquitous,
the government that now is. On our word of honor, you shall live, if you
yield the store."
"Well," whispered Pedro to us, "what do you say?"
"Tell him the fortune-teller fooled him," says I.
"Tell him to go to hell," says Gonzales.
"It is a trick," says the other man.
"So think I," says Pedro. He called aloud: "We are large healthy men. To
make us live is necessary we have more than your word of honor--do not
play further, cowards that you are! The store you may have when we give
it to you. We will kill you all--all!"
All four of us yelled and hooted at 'em. We were strung tight now.
Thirty-odd men ready to climb at you, fifteen feet away, thirty or forty
more all ready to whack at you from behind, takes the slack out.
There was just one second of hush, and then hell bu'st her b'iler. Lord!
Lord! Of all the banging and yelling and smashing you ever did hear!
Noise enough for Gettysburg. They come at us from all around. We
scrambled like monkeys, shooting; jumping elsewhere; shooting
again--zip, zip, zip--fast as you could clap your hands. They bored in
so they could hammer on the door. I was helping there until I heard a
crash from my window, and saw a head coming in. I caved that head with
my rifle-barrel and fired into a swarm over the remains. They fired
right back again; lead sung like a bees' nest. Flame and smoke spurted
out all over. You couldn't see any more in the store. I snapped at the
crowd until I found there was no results, my magazine being empty; and,
there scarcely being time to load, I poked 'em with the muzzle. In the
middle of this razzle-dazzle come another crash and a flood of light. I
saw the front door down; men tumbling through the opening.
I screeched to the other boys, grabbed cans of tomatoes, and pasted the
heap. It sounds like a funny weapon, but I want you to understand that
when an arm like mine heaves a quart can of tomatoes at you, some little
time will pass before you see the joke. I hit one man under the nose and
lifted him three feet.
I followed this up with a box in one lump, clubbed my rifle, and lit
into 'em. It was then that one of our boys shot me in the leg by
mistake. You couldn't tell what you were doing. It was all a mess of
noise and lunacy. The leg-shot brought me to my knees and the gang atop.
I worked lively before I was free. Somehow I got a knife--I'll never
tell for sure how, nor when. But at last I was loose with a crowd in
front looking at me and calling for guns.
"Beel, Beel! Help!" called Pedro. How was I to help? The moment I turned
my back that outfit would swarm in.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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