England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Poets -- Fiction; Sisters -- Fiction
Miss Verney's conversation scarcely ever stopped, and while Pauline was
writing letters it was always particularly brisk, but she used to enjoy
the accompaniment as she would have enjoyed the twittering of a bird. It
seemed to inspire her letters with the equable gaiety that Guy was so
glad to think was coming back to her. His own letters were invariably
cheerful, and Pauline began to count the days to the time when she would
see him again. Easter had gone by, and the weather was so steadily fine
that it was a pity not to be together. He wrote of primroses awaiting
her footsteps in the forest, of blue dog-violets and cowslips in the
hollows of Wychford down, of all the birds that were now arrived in
England, of the cuckoo's first call, and of the first swallow seen.
Come back soon, my own, my sweet [he wrote]. Come back and let
this Winter be all forgotten. I climbed up to the top of the
church tower to-day, and oh, the tulips in your garden, and oh,
the emptiness of that garden notwithstanding! Come back, my
Pauline, for you'll see the iris buds in the paddock and you've no
idea of the way in which that river of ours sparkles on these
April mornings. I wish I could tell you how remote this Winter
already has grown. It has crept out of memory like a dejected
nightmare at breakfast. You are never to think again about the
stupid things I've said about religion: think only, my dearest,
that I hope always for your faith. It would be dishonest of me to
say that I believe now exactly as you believe, but I want to
believe like that. Perhaps I'm illogical in writing this: perhaps
all the time I do believe. Forget too what I said about
Confession. I would almost go myself to prove my penitence (to
you!), but I just can't bring myself to do that, because for me it
really would be useless and would turn me against everything you
count as holy. Forget all that has cast a shadow on our love.
Count it all as my heedlessness and be confident that I alone was
to blame. I would write more, but letters are such impossible
things for intimacy. Some people can pour out their souls on
paper: I can't. That's really what my poems suffer from. I have
been working at them again since you were away, and they have a
kind of coldness, a sort of awkward youthful reserve. Perhaps
that's better than youthful exuberance, and yet I don't know. One
can prune the too prodigal growth, but one can't always be sure of
having the prodigality when one has the maturity. The metaphors
seem to be getting rather tied up, and you must be bored by now
with my chattering criticism.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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