With a strange smile of satisfaction he touched the inner breast pocket
of his long black vest, for in that pocket there lay a letter from
Donald which was all his own. It had come to him by the same mail which
brought Marion's, but some curious Scotch twist in his nature prompted
him to conceal the fact. The root of this secrecy was undoubtedly
selfishness. He did not want anyone else to see, or touch, or handle
it--it was all his own, as long as it lay unspoken of in his breast
wallet. There were things in it he could not bear to discuss--things
that appeared to actually deny all the results he had declared would be
the natural and certain consequences of Donald's disobedience and
irreligious tendencies.
So he kept the letter in his breast and said nothing about it, and he
went to Blackie's bookshop and brought home in his hand a volume by
Mills with which he passed the long evening. Now and then he vouchsafed
a few remarks on passing events, but upon the whole he had reason to
congratulate himself upon his reticence and its success.
Nevertheless, it had been less successful than he imagined, for, after
he had retired with Mr. Mills to the solitude of his study, Marion said,
with a sigh, "He never named Donald, Aunt;" and Mrs. Caird answered
sharply, "I am thinking, Marion, he knows all about Donald. He has had a
letter his own self. The man is far too curious to have kept whist if he
had not known what we were meaning by Donald's good fortune. No doubt
Donald wrote to him. I would hardly believe your father if he said
different."
After this event the gloomy winter of snow and rain and thick fog
settled over the busy city, and people with firm-set lips and gloomy
faces went doggedly about their business and tried not to mind the
weather. But Dr. Macrae was acutely sensible to atmospheric conditions,
and the nearly constant gloom and drizzle was but the outward sign of
his mental and spiritual darkness and doubt. Day followed day in a
monotonous despairing search for what he could not find, and life lost
all its savor and searching all its hope and zest.
Finally his health began to suffer. He found out what it meant to be
nervous and inadequate for duty. He became unreasonable or dourly
despondent, and every change was marked by moods and tempers that
affected the whole household. For the mind has malignant contagious
diseases, as well as the body, and the black silent sulk or the fretful
complaining in the study passed readily into every room of the gloomy
household.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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