With that relentless figure regarding him, Donald knew that delay or
entreaty was vain. He gave his father one long, last look, a look of
such love as would master time, and then, with two scarcely audible
words, "Farewell, Father," he obeyed the silent order he had received.
That look pierced Dr. Macrae's heart like an arrow, and those two words
went pealing through his ears like words of doom. He threw up his hands
and rushed to the door. He wanted to cry, "Come back, come back,
Donald," but the hall was empty and still. It was but a few steps to the
front door, he opened it in frantic haste, but neither up nor down Bath
Street could he see the son he loved so dearly and had sent away so
cruelly. He called Mrs. Caird and she came from the kitchen, her hands
covered with flour.
"What are you wanting, Ian?" she asked. "I am just throng with the
pastry."
"Have you seen Donald within the last five minutes?"
"Nor within the last hour. He went to your study after his breakfast.
That is the last I have seen of the poor lad. What is the matter?"
"He has gone."
"Gone! Where to?"
"God knows," and, heedless of Mrs. Caird's inquiries and reproaches, he
fled to his study and locked the door. He was suffering as he had never
before suffered in all his life. He said to himself, "My heart is
bleeding," and he felt as if this sensation might be a reality. For a
long time he stood by his table quite still, heartless, hopeless,
aidless, almost senseless. He had expected a fight, but that his child
would be finally disobedient had been an incredulity to smile at. Yet he
had bid him farewell and had gone to face the world without either his
help or his counsel.
He would take no lunch, nor would he see or speak to anyone. His heart
and brain seemed stupefied by this irreparable sorrow that had so
suddenly ruined all his happiness. He tried to think of it as appointed
and inevitable, but his heart would not listen to such a suggestion. It
told him plainly that many times all had depended on his own yes or no;
that a step forward, a look of kindness, a gesture of entreaty would
have prevented it. He understood at that hour that sorrow has only the
weapons we ourselves give her.
The call to lunch broke the dumb stupidity which had followed the blow
of Donald's farewell. Thoughts of what the Church and friends would say
began to pierce through the first black despair of his personal feelings
and, as the clock struck two, a great change occurred. In half an hour
the postman might bring him a letter from Lady Cramer--must bring him
one. He stood up, shook himself, and went into a small adjoining room
and washed his face and hands. The knowledge that she loved him went
like wine to his heart, and her letter would bring him great
consolation; he was sure of that.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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