_Gent._ Look you there, Sir, what have you to say to that? _Esop._ I have to say, Sir, that you may pay your Taxes in Money, instead of Perjury, and still have a better Revenue than I'm afraid you deserve. What Service do you do your King, Sir? _Gent._ None at all, Sir--I'm above it. _Esop._ What Service may you do your Country, pray? _Gent._ I'm Justice of the Peace----and Captain of the Militia. _Esop._ Of what use are you to your Kindred? _Gent._ I'm the Head of the Family, and have all the Estate. _Esop._ What Good do you do your Neighbours? _Gent._ I give them their Bellies full of Beef every time they come to see me; and make 'em so drunk, they spew it up again before they go away. _Esop._ How do you use your Tenants? _Gent._ Why, I skrew up their Rents till they break and run away, and if I catch 'em again, I let 'em rot in a Gaol. _Esop._ How do you treat your Wife? _Gent._ I treat her all Day with Ill-nature and Tobacco, and all Night with snoring and a dirty Shirt. _Esop._ How do you breed your Children? _Gent._ I breed my eldest Son----a Fool; my youngest breed themselves, and my Daughters----have no Breeding at all. _Esop._ 'Tis very well, Sir; I shall be sure to speak to the King of you; or if you think fit to remonstrate to him, by way of Petition or Address, how reasonable it may be to let Men of your Importance go Scot-free, in the Time of a necessary War, I'll deliver it in Council, and speak to it as I ought. _Gent._ Why, Sir, I don't disapprove your Advice, but my Clerk is not here, and I can't spell well. _Esop._ You may get it writ at your leisure, and send it me. But because you are not much used to draw up Addresses, perhaps; I'll tell you in general what kind of one this ought to be. * * * * * _May it please your Majesty_---- _To the Gent._] You'll excuse me, if I don't know your Name and Title. _Gent._ Sir _Polydorus Hogstye_, of _Beast-Hall_ in _Swine-County_. _Esop._ Very well. _May it please your Majesty; ~Polydorus Hogstye~, of ~Beast-hall~ in ~Swine-County~, most humbly represents, That he hates to pay Taxes, the dreadful Consequences of 'em being inevitably these, That he must retrench two Dishes in ten, where not above six of 'em are design'd for Gluttony._ _Four Bottles out of twenty; where not above fifteen of 'em are for Drunkenness._ _Six Horses out of thirty; of which not above twenty are kept for State._ _And four Servants out of a Score; where one half do nothing but make Work for t'other._ _To this deplorable Condition must your important Subject be reduc'd, or forc'd to cut down his Timber, which he wou'd willingly persevere against an ill run at Dice._ _And as to the Necessity of the War for the Security of the Kingdom, he neither knows nor cares whether it be necessary or not._ _He concludes with his Prayers for your Majesty's Life, upon Condition you will protect him and his Fox Hounds at Beast-Hall, without e'er a Penny of Money._