Plutarch's essays and miscellanies, Vol. 2 (of 5) : $b Comprising all his works collected under the title of "Morals"Plutarch
Philosophy
Plutarch's essays and miscellanies, Vol. 2 (of 5) : $b Comprising all his works collected under the title of "Morals"
Plutarch
Classical literature; Essays; Ethics; Philosophy
2. Now as we were leaving the school to take a walk (as our manner is)
in the place of exercise, Zeuxippus began to us: In my opinion, said
he, the debate was managed on our side with more softness and less
freedom than was fitting. I am sure, Heraclides sufficiently signified
his disgust at us at parting, for handling Epicurus and Metrodorus
more roughly than they deserved. Yet you may remember, replied Theon,
how you told them that Colotes himself, compared with the rhetoric of
those two gentlemen, would appear the complaisantest man alive; for
when they have raked together the lewdest terms of ignominy the tongue
of man ever used, as buffooneries, trollings, arrogancies, whorings,
assassinations, whining counterfeits, vile seducers, and blockheads,
they faintly throw them in the faces of Aristotle, Socrates,
Pythagoras, Protagoras, Theophrastus, Heraclides, Hipparchus, and which
not, even of the best and most celebrated authorities. So that, should
they pass for very knowing men upon all other accounts, yet their very
calumnies and reviling language would bespeak them at the greatest
distance from philosophy imaginable. For emulation can never enter that
God-like consort, nor such fretfulness as wants resolution to conceal
its own resentments. Aristodemus then subjoined: Heraclides, you know,
is a great philologist; and that may be the reason why he made Epicurus
those amends for the poetic din (so that party style poetry) and for
the fooleries of Homer; or else, it may be, it was because Metrodorus
had libelled that poet in so many books. But let us let these gentlemen
pass at present, Zeuxippus, and rather return to what was charged
upon the philosophers in the beginning of our discourse, that it is
impossible to live according to their tenets. And I see not why we two
may not despatch this affair betwixt us, with the good assistance of
Theon; for I find this gentleman (meaning me) is already tired. Then
Theon said to him,
Our fellows have that garland from us won;
therefore, if you please,
Let’s fix another goal, and at that run.[138]
We will even prosecute them at the suit of the philosophers, in the
following form: We’ll prove, if we can, that it is impossible to live
a pleasurable life according to their tenets. Bless me! said I to him,
smiling, you seem to me to level your foot at the very bellies of the
men, and to design to enter the list with them for their lives, whilst
you go about to rob them thus of their pleasure, and they cry out to
you,
“Forbear, we’re no good boxers, sir;
no, nor good pleaders, nor good senators, nor good magistrates either;
Our proper talent is to eat and drink,[139]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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