But O thou cruel stepmother and hard, To thy poor fenceless, naked child, the Bard! A thing unteachable in worldly skill, And half an idiot too, more helpless still: No heels to bear him from the op’ning dun, No claws to dig, his hated sight to shun: No horns, but those by luckless Hymen worn, And those, alas! not Amalthea’s horn: No nerves olfact’ry, true to Mammon’s foot, Or grunting, grub sagacious, evil’s root: The silly sheep that wanders wild astray, Is not more friendless, is not more a prey; Vampyre—booksellers drain him to the heart, And viper—critics cureless venom dart. Critics! appll’d I venture on the name, Those cut-throat bandits in the paths of fame, Bloody dissectors, worse than ten Monroes, He hacks to teach, they mangle to expose: By blockhead’s daring into madness stung, His heart by wanton, causeless malice wrung, His well-won ways—than life itself more dear— By miscreants torn who ne’er one sprig must wear; Foil’d, bleeding, tortur’d in th’ unequal strife, The hapless Poet flounces on through life, Till, fled each hope that once his bosom fired, And fled each Muse that glorious once inspir’d, Low-sunk in squalid, unprotected age, Dead even resentment for his injur’d page, He heeds no more the ruthless critics’ rage. So by some hedge the generous steed deceas’d, For half-starv’d, snarling curs a dainty feast; By toil and famine worn to skin and bone, Lies, senseless of each tugging bitch’s son. A little upright, pert, tart, tripping wight, And still his precious self his dear delight; Who loves his own smart shadow in the streets, Better than e’er the fairest she he meets; Much specious lore, but little understood, (Veneering oft outshines the solid wood), His solid sense, by inches you must tell, But mete his cunning by the Scottish ell! A man of fashion too, he made his tour, Learn’d “vive la bagatelle et vive l’amour;” So travell’d monkeys their grimace improve, Polish their grin—nay, sigh for ladies’ love! His meddling vanity, a busy fiend, Still making work his selfish craft must mend. * * * Crochallan came, The old cock’d hat, the brown surtout—the same; His grisly beard just bristling in its might— ’Twas four long nights and days from shaving-night; His uncomb’d, hoary locks, wild-staring, thatch’d A head, for thought profound and clear, unmatch’d; Yet, tho’ his caustic wit was biting-rude, His heart was warm, benevolent and good.