expostulations of my father, he would sail again. He offered to take me
with him, and I would gladly have gone, but my father would not listen
to it. He sailed, and I never saw him again; his vessel, with all hands,
foundered, with many others, in a heavy gale. The news did not arrive
until many months afterward, and I had not been a mother more than six
weeks when I found that I was a widow. I have passed all this over
quickly, Jack, because it is of less moment--my trials had not
commenced.
"The loss of my husband, as may be supposed, only endeared my child the
more to me, and I wept over him as he smiled upon me in his cradle. My
father had reverses in his business, but those I cared little for. He
did, however: he had been the richest man in the town, he was now
comparatively poor; his pride was crushed, it broke his heart, and he
died; the whole of his assets at the winding up of his affairs not
exceeding ten thousand pounds. This was, however, quite enough, and more
than enough, for me. I thought but of one object--it was my darling boy;
he represented to me all I had lost; in him I saw my husband, father,
and everything. I lived but for him. He was my idolatry, Jack. I
worshiped the creature instead of the Creator.
"As he grew up I indulged him in everything; he never was checked; I
worried myself day and night to please him, and yet he never was
pleased. He was so spoiled that he did not know what he wanted. He was a
misery to himself and all about him, except to me, who was so blinded by
my love. As he advanced to manhood his temper showed itself to be
violent and uncontrollable; he was the terror of others, and prudent
people would shake their heads and prophesy. He would not submit to any
profession; the only wish that he had was to go to sea, and that was my
terror. I implored him on my knees not to think of it, but in vain; at
first he used to threaten when he wanted money for his extravagances,
and it was a sure way to obtain it; but one day I discovered that he had
quitted the port without saying farewell, and that he had sailed in a
vessel bound to the coast of Africa. A short letter and a heavy bill was
received from Portsmouth, and I did not hear of him for two years. I was
heartbroken, but not weaned from him; I counted the days for his return.
At last he came--browned by the climate, full of oaths, savage in his
bearing, and occasionally referring to scenes which made me shudder; but
he was my son, my only son, and I loved him as much as ever. He was now
but seldom at home, for he lived almost at the gaming-tables; if he came
to me, it was to extort money, and he never failed. I sold out my
property to support his extravagance, and by degrees it was rapidly
diminishing. I begged him, I entreated him, to be more prudent, but he
laughed, and promised to return me all the first lucky hit he should
make; but that lucky hit never came, and at last I had but two thousand
pounds left.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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