"Why, Tom, I can't say that I thought so, for the fact is I didn't think
about it; indeed, I thought about nothing. Sailors afloat have little
time to think, they can't think when it's their watch on deck, for they
are too busy; nor at their watch below, for they're too tired; nor at
meal-times, for they must look after their share of the victuals;
indeed, there is not any time to think on board ship, and that's a fact.
But, Tom, since I've been laid up here I have thought a good deal; all
is calm and quiet, and one day passes just like the other, and no fear
of interruption when one don't wish it,--and I have thought a good deal.
At first I thought it a hard case to be shoved on the shelf at my age,
but I don't think so now,--I'm quite satisfied."
"I'm glad to hear you say so, father."
"Yes, Tom. And then, you see, when I was afloat, I didn't think any
good of your mother, and I was glad to keep out of her way; and then I
didn't care about my children, for I didn't know them; but now I've
other thoughts, Tom. I don't think your mother so bad, after all; to be
sure, she looks down upon me 'cause I'm not genteel; but I suppose I
aren't, and she has been used to the company of gentlefolks; besides she
works hard, and now that I don't annoy her by getting tipsy, as I used
to do, at all events she's civil; and then I never knew what it was to
have children until I came here, and found Virginia and you; and I'm
proud of you both, and love you both better than anything on earth; and,
although I may not be so well brought up or so well taught as you both
are, still, Tom, I'm your father, and all I can say is, I wish for your
sakes I was better than I am."
"Don't say so, father: you know that Virginia and I are both as fond of
you as you are of us."
"Well, mayhap you are; I don't say no: you are both good children, and
at all events would try to like me; but still I do feel that you can't
look up to me exactly; but that's my misfortune, Tom, more than my
fault. I haven't larning like Anderson, or gentility like your mother:
I've only a true heart to offer to you. You see, Tom, I've said all
this because you are always after Anderson; not but that I like
Anderson, for he's a good man, and has been of sarvice to me, and I
don't think he would ever say anything to you that would make you think
less of me."
"No, indeed, father; on the contrary, I once asked him his opinion about
you, and he spoke most highly of you; and whenever I go to him for
advice, he always sends me to you to approve of what he has said."
"Well, he is a good man, and I'm very sorry to have any feeling of envy
in me, that's the truth; but still a father must have a father's
feelings. Don't let us say anything more about it, Tom; only try next
time, when you want advice, whether I can't give it. You can always go
to Peter afterwards, and see whether I'm right or wrong."
"I will indeed, my dear father, now I know that you wish it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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