As she sat on the porch in the darkness in the summer evenings, Clara
thought of the incident and of dozens of other swift-passing contacts
she had made with men. The voices of the two men talking of money-making
went on and on. Whenever she came back out of her introspective world of
thought, Alfred Buckley's long jaw was wagging. He was always at work,
steadily, persistently urging something on her father. It was difficult
for Clara to think of her father as a rabbit, but the notion that Alfred
Buckley was like a hound stayed with her. “The wolf and the wolfhound,”
she thought absent-mindedly.
Clara was twenty-three and seemed to herself mature. She did not
intend wasting any more time going to school and did not want to be a
professional woman, like Kate Chanceller. There was something she did
want and in a way some man, she did not know what man it would be, was
concerned in the matter. She was very hungry for love, but might have
got that from another woman. Kate Chanceller would have loved her. She
was not unconscious of the fact that their friendship had been something
more than friendship. Kate loved to hold Clara's hand and wanted to kiss
and caress her. The inclination had been put down by Kate herself, a
struggle had gone on in her, and Clara had been dimly conscious of it
and had respected Kate for making it.
Why? Clara asked herself that question a dozen times during the early
weeks of that summer. Kate Chanceller had taught her to think. When
they were together Kate did both the thinking and the talking, but now
Clara's mind had a chance. There was something back of her desire for
a man. She wanted something more than caresses. There was a creative
impulse in her that could not function until she had been made love to
by a man. The man she wanted was but an instrument she sought in order
that she might fulfill herself. Several times during those evenings in
the presence of the two men, who talked only of making money out of the
products of another man's mind, she almost forced her mind out into a
concrete thought concerning women, and then it became again befogged.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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