As Tom sent the car hurling over the roads, Clara sat alone in the back
seat unimpressed by her father's new acquisition. For three years she
had been married and she felt that she did not yet know the man she had
married. Always the story had been the same, moments of light and then
darkness again. A new machine that went along roads at a startlingly
increased rate of speed might change the whole face of the world, as
her father declared it would, but it did not change certain facts of her
life. “Am I a failure as a wife, or is Hugh impossible as a husband?”
she asked herself for perhaps the thousandth time as the car, having
got into a long stretch of clear, straight road, seemed to leap and sail
through the air like a bird. “At any rate I have married me a husband
and yet I have no husband, I have been in a man's arms but I have
no lover, I have taken hold of life, but life has slipped through my
fingers.”
Like her father, Hugh seemed to Clara absorbed in only the things
outside himself, the outer crust of life. He was like and yet unlike
her father. She was baffled by him. There was something in the man she
wanted and could not find. “The fault must be in me,” she told herself.
“He's all right, but what's the matter with me?”
After that night when he ran away from her bridal bed, Clara had more
than once thought the miracle had happened. It did sometimes. On that
night when he came to her out of the rain it had happened. There was a
wall a blow could shatter, and she raised her hand to strike the blow.
The wall was shattered and then builded itself again. Even as she lay at
night in her husband's arms the wall reared itself up in the darkness of
the sleeping room.
Over the farmhouse on such nights dense silence brooded and she and
Hugh, as had become their habit together, were silent. In the darkness
she put up her hand to touch her husband's face and hair. He lay still
and she had the impression of some great force holding him back, holding
her back. A sharp sense of struggle filled the room. The air was heavy
with it.
When words came they did not break the silence. The wall remained.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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