"Ay, let me," says Slyme, in a low tone, yet always with the remnant of
a wasted passion in it. "It has lain heavy on my heart for years. I
shall fling it from me now, if the effort to do it kills me."
Turning his bleared eyes right and left, he searches every face slowly
until he comes to Fabian. Here his examination comes to an end.
Fastening his eyes on Fabian, he lets them rest there, and never again
removes them during the entire interview. He almost seems to forget, or
to be unaware, that there is any other soul in the room, save the man at
whom he is gazing so steadfastly. It is to him alone he addresses
himself.
"I call you to witness," he says, now striking himself upon his breast,
"that whatever I have done has not gone unpunished. If my crime has been
vile, my sufferings have been terrible. I have endured torments. I want
no sympathy--none. I expect only detestation and revenge, but yet I
would have you remember that there was a time when I was a man, not the
soddened, brutish, contemptible _thing_ I have become. I would ask you
to call to mind all you have ever heard about remorse; its stings, its
agony, its despair, and I would have you know that I have felt it all;
yea, more, a thousand times more!"
All this time he has had his hand pressed against his chest in a rigid
fashion. His lips have grown livid, his face pale as any corpse.
"This is mere raving," exclaims Sir Christopher, excitedly; but again
Gore restrains him as he would have gone forward to order Slyme to
retire.
"To-day," goes on Slyme, always with his heavy eyes on Fabian, "I heard
you speak in my defence--_mine_! Sir, if you could only know how those
words of yours burned into my heart, how they have burned since, how
they are burning _now_," smiting himself, "you would be half avenged. I
listened to you till my brain could bear no more. You spoke kindly of
_me_, you had pity on my old age--upon _mine_, who had no pity on your
youth, who ruthlessly ruined your life, who--"
"Man, if you have anything to confess--to explain--_say it_!" breaks in
Sir Mark, vehemently, who is half mad with hope and expectancy.
Portia has risen from her low seat, and forgetful or regardless of
comment, is gazing with large, white eyes at the old man. Sir
Christopher has grasped Mark Gore's arm with almost painful force, and
is trembling so violently that Gore places his other arm gently round
him, and keeps it there as a support. All, more or less, are agitated.
Fabian alone makes no movement; with a face white to the very lips, he
stands with his back against the mantelpiece, facing Slyme, so
motionless that he might be a figure carved in marble.
Really deaf and blind to all except Fabian, the secretary takes no heed
of Sir Mark's violent outburst. He has paused, indeed, at the
interruption, some vague sense telling him he will not be heard while it
continues, but now it has subsided he goes on again, addressing himself
solely to Fabian, as though it had never occurred.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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