There began for him then, sitting there, staring out into the unblinking
fog, his hardest test. As surely as never before in his life had he
known what love truly was, so did he know it now. This child in her
ignorance, her courage, her hard history, her contact with the worst
elements in human nature, her purity, had found her way into the
innermost recesses of his heart. He saw as he sat there, with a strange
almost divine clarity of vision, both into her soul and into his own. He
knew that when she faced life again he would be the first to whom she
would turn. He knew that with one word, one look, he could win her love.
He knew that she had also never felt what love was. He knew that the
circumstances of this night had turned her towards him as she would
never have been turned in ordinary conditions. Yes, he knew this
too--that had they met in everyday life she would never have loved him,
would not indeed have thought of him twice.
He was not a man about whom any one thought twice. With the exception of
his sisters no woman had ever loved him; this child, driven to terrified
desperation by the horrors of the last weeks had been wakened to full
womanhood by those same horrors, and he had happened to be there at the
awakening. That was all. And yet he knew that so honest was she, and
good and true, that did she once go to him she would stay with him. He
saw steadily into the future. He saw her freedom from the madman to whom
she was married, then her union with himself. His happiness, and her
gradual discovery of the kind of man that he was. Not bad--oh no--but
older, far older than herself in many other ways than years, tired so
easily, caring nothing for all the young things in life, above all a man
in the middle state, solitary from some elemental loneliness of soul. It
was true that to-night had shown him a new energy of living, a new
happiness, a new vigour, and he would perhaps after to-night never be
the same man as he was before. But it was not enough. No, not enough for
this young girl just beginning life, so ignorant of it, so trustful of
him that she would follow the path that he pointed out. And for himself!
How often he had felt like Nejdanov in _Virgin Soil_ that "everything
that he had said or done during the day seemed to him so utterly false,
such useless nonsense, and the thing that ought to be done was nowhere
to be found . . . unattainable . . . in the depths of a bottomless pit."
Well, of to-night that was not true. What he had done was useful, was
well done. But to-morrow how would he regard it? Would it not seem like
senseless melodrama, the mad Crispins, his fall from the cliff, this
eternal fog? How like his history that the most conclusive and eternal
acts of his life should take place in a fog! And this girl whom he loved
so dearly, if he married her and kept her for himself would not his
conscience, that eternal tiresome conscience of his, would it not for
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