The door opened and one of the Japanese servants came in with liqueurs.
They were put on the table close to Harkness, and soon he was drinking
the most wonderful brandy that it had ever been his happy fortune to
encounter.
He was warm, cosy, quite unalarmed. The prints smiled at him, the dim
room received him as a friend.
Crispin was talking, leaning back now from the table, his fat body
hugged up like a cushion into his chair.
His red hair stood, flaming, on end. Harkness was, at first, only
vaguely conscious that Crispin was speaking, then the words began to
gather about him, to force their way in upon his brain; then, as the
monologue continued, his comfort, his cosiness, his sense of security
slowly slipped from him. His eyes passed from the "Two Horses" to the
high sharp cliffs of the "Orvieto," to the thick naked Hercules of the
Aldegrever. Then, he was aware that he was frightened, as he had been on
the road, in the hotel, in the car. Then, with a flash of awareness,
like the sharp contact with unexpected steel, he was on his guard as
though he were standing alone with his back to the wall against an army
of terrors.
". . . And so as I like you so much, dear Mr. Harkness, I feel that I
can talk to you freely about these things and that you will understand.
That has always been my trouble--that I have not been understood
sufficiently, and if now I go my own way and have my own fashion of
dealing with life I am sure that it is comprehensible enough.
"I was a very lonely child, Mr. Harkness, and mocked at by every one who
saw me. No, I have not been understood sufficiently. The colour of my
hair has been a barrier. I realise that I am, and always have been,
absurd in appearance, and from the very earliest age I was aware that I
was different from other human beings and must pursue another course
from theirs. I make no complaint about that, but it justifies, I think,
my later conduct."
Here, as though some wire had sprung taut inside him he sat forward
upright in his chair, staring with his little pale eyes at Harkness, and
it was now that Harkness was abruptly aware of his conversation.
"I am not boring you, I trust, but I have taken a sympathetic liking to
you, and it may interest you to understand my somewhat unusual
philosophy of life.
"My mother died when I was very young. My father was a surgeon, a very
wealthy man, money inherited from an uncle. He was a strange man,
peculiar, odd. Cruel to me. Very cruel to me. He hated the sight of me,
and told me once that it was a continual temptation to him to lay hands
on me and cut my heart out--to see, in fact, whether I had a heart. He
liked to torment and tease me, as indeed did every one else. I am not
telling you these things, Mr. Harkness, to rouse your pity, but rather
that you should understand exactly the point at which I have arrived."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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