"What's the trouble?" "Why, the walls are cracking and bulging out on the sides, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to put a lot of money into repairs. I've got over one hundred tenants in those buildings." "I'll tell you what to do." "What?" "You say the walls are bulging out?" "Yes." "Well, that makes more room everywhere. You just raise all your tenants' rent on account of the extra space." "Young man, you're a genius. I'll put rents up twenty percent tomorrow." And one more capitalist was saved. Coming to Him The man who keeps up with the latest scientific discoveries is abroad in the land. He knows all about bacilli, microbes, and all the various newly found foes to mankind. He reads the papers and heeds all the warnings that lead to longevity and safety to mind and limb. He stopped a friend on Main Street yesterday who was hurrying to the post-office and said excitedly: "Wait a minute, Brown. Do you ever bite your finger nails?" "I think so--no, I don't know; excuse me, please, I've got to catch that car." "Hold on, man; great goodness alive, you don't know what danger you are in. If a sharp particle of the nail gets into your lungs, inflammation is bound to set in, and finally laceration, consumption, hemorrhage, fits, coma, tuberculosis, and death. Think of it! And by the way, a new bacillus has been found in water in which roses have been left standing that is very fatal. I want to warn you. Do you know that--" "Say, old man, I'm much obliged, but this letter--" "What is a letter compared with your life? There are 10,000,000 animalcules in a spoonful of ordinary hydrant water; there are 2,000 different varieties known. Do you ever put salt in your beer?" "I don't know; I really must go, I--" "Don't hold me responsible for your life, I'm trying to save it. Why, Heavens, man, it's nothing but a miracle that we live a single day. In every glass of beer there is an infinitesimal quantity of hydrochloric acid. Salt is a chloride of sodium, and the union releases the chlorine. You are drinking chlorine gas every day of your life. Pause, before it is too late." "I don't drink beer." "But you breathe through your mouth when you are asleep. Do you know what that does? Brings on angina pectoris and bronchitis. Are you determined to let your ignorance carry you to your grave? Think of your wife and children! Do you know that the common house fly carries 40,000 microbes on his feet, and can convey cholera, typhoid fever, diphtheria, pyaemia, and--" "Dang your microbes. I've got just three minutes to catch that mail. So long." "Wait just a minute. Dr. Pasteur says that--" But the victim was gone. Ten minutes later the heeder of new discoveries was knocked down by a wagon while trying to cross the street reading about a new filter, and was carried home by sympathizing friends. His Pension